My heart clenches. I don’t know what those words mean to him, but I know what they mean to me.
They mean that what should be the happiest and best thing in my life is the worst and most painful thing instead. They mean I’ll probably always be stuck between what my heart wants and what my minds know is right. They mean that even though Malix wants me and I want him back, there’s no way for us to be together as long as we’re at odds.
Is it possible to sidestep fate?
To change the course of one’s destiny?
I think of all the little things I’ve seen the feral shifters do, those tiny but undeniable signs that they’re more than just heartless, callous monsters.
Is there some other way to stop them from carrying out their horrible mission besides killing them?
Goddammit. This is all so fucked up.
I shove away from the rock, trying to master my chaotic emotions as I get my legs under me. I know the smile that I flash Malix doesn’t reach my eyes, but it’s the best I can manage at the moment.
“Fate may be a bitch,” I tell him in a low voice, “but so am I.”
With that, I turn away from him and stride deeper into the water, embracing the chill of it as it rises up around my body.
Chapter 26
After washing up again and letting the mindless task of scrubbing at my skin settle my thoughts a little, I climb out of the water. There’s a towel waiting for me on shore—thanks to Malix, I suppose, though I never saw him return with it. It’s not the thickest of towels, a little travel thing, but it does the job. I dry off and wrap the damp fabric aro
und me to go dig some clothes out of my bag.
Kian is building a fire while Frost and Malix skin the deer the other two shifters brought back with them. All three of them glance up as I return in my handkerchief-sized towel. I crouch beside my bag to dig out my jeans and a clean tank top, and I notice both Frost and Kian tilt their noses into the air.
Toward me.
Fuck. Can they smell the lingering scent of sex on me? Even after I washed off in the lake again?
They turn their suspicious gazes on Malix, who just smiles charmingly as if he has no idea what they’re thinking.
Frost looks away out into the darkness beyond the light of the fire, something like hurt in his expression, though it isn’t exactly easy to read him. Kian catches my eye, anger tightening his lips as he sizes me up. I put my chin in the air and drop my towel, pointedly facing him naked as I step into my jeans.
I refuse to feel bad about having sex with Malix. First of all, it was fucking amazing, and I’m not even going to lie to myself that it wasn’t. Second of all, they’re all three my mates and they know it, so not one of them has more right to me than another. And lastly, Kian rejected me three years ago. He doesn’t get to be pissy about shit.
Plus, it’s not going to happen again, so he can calm the hell down.
My jeans got some gnarly rips in my accident. A big patch of fabric is torn over my right thigh, where I got the worst of the road rash, and both knees have frayed holes, too. On the plus side, the big hole on my thigh leaves the last of my rash open to the air. Good, because it itches like hell.
Yanking my shirt over my head, I head over to join Frost and Malix at the deer. “Need help?”
Malix grins and hands me a knife. “Go ahead and saw off bits for grilling.”
I start working on the deer’s muscular hips, keeping my head down and avoiding eye contact. I don’t want anyone to bring up the fact I had sex with Malix and try to air grievances like a couple of petulant pups. I’m too exhausted to deal, and the low level pain I’ve been sitting with since my bike wreck is heavier than it was earlier.
But luckily, Kian avoids the topic. He joins us and starts placing cut steaks in the fire. “If that crazy motherfucker is right, we should be close to the Tree of Life. We found the ravine while we were hunting. It’s narrow and fairly short. I figure we’ll find the tree tomorrow.”
Malix whistles. “Damn. Crazy to think we’ve almost made it.”
As I set a steak aside on a tiny piece of aluminum foil that Frost dug out of his pack, it occurs to me that I have some pretty mixed emotions about finding the tree. Once we’ve got the ingredient we need, Frost and I can dose ourselves and get this horrible fucking poison out of our systems. And that’s good news, right? But it’ll also mark the end of our agreed upon truce, and like Malix told me earlier in the lake, their plan after that is to head off back toward that weak point between the realms.
Meaning we’ll be on opposing sides again, and I’ll have to hunt them down and kill them.
That thought hurts more than I’d like.
While we cook the meat and eat dinner, I stay quiet, lost in my thoughts and worries. The three of them aren’t exactly chatty either, though God knows they could just be sitting there conversing with their minds in whatever secret shadow person way they have. Yet another barrier that keeps me from ever truly being a part of their world.