“N-no, you’ve got the wrong idea!” Tanizaki waved his hands in a fluster. “I was there for work. I was told to go to the bar, and when I went, I ran into Dazai, and—”
“Yep. Nice seeing you there!”
“What…? So you went there for work? To a bar where Dazai just happened to be? …I find it hard to believe that this was a coincidence…which means Dazai asked you to meet him there. Did he ask you to pay his tab? Or did he cause a scene and need you to…?”
Kunikida stopped himself. His face turned pale before he bent forward at the waist.
“D-don’t tell me… It was the opposite? Did more trouble find him again? Is that it?”
“I’m sorry, Kunikida.” Tanizaki lowered his gaze apologetically.
“Sheesh, it wasn’t a big deal. Certainly nothing worth glowering over like that.” Dazai gleefully smirked. “All I did was drink and make merry with the folks at the bar, have a chat, listen to their stories, and go home. I promise… Oh, and there was a bomb somewhere in there.”
“…”
Kunikida’s upper body slowly rocked back and forth as he sat in silence.
“…Kunikida?” Worried, Tanizaki called out his colleague’s name.
“I…passed out for a second there,” Kunikida uttered feebly while lifting up his head. “A bomb…? Tanizaki, why didn’t you say something at the start of our meeting? Who planted the bomb? Have the city police done anything about it? Did the military police’s bomb squad take care of it? What happened to the bomb?”
“It’s right here.” Dazai dropped a paper bag on the table with a thud.
“Aggghhh!” Startled, Kunikida jumped back—chair and all.
“Don’t worry. Despite its realistic appearance, it’s a fake.” Dazai shrugged. “I’ll make this short. The bomb was delivered yesterday to my usual haunt, addressed to me from an anonymous sender. I opened the package and found this inside. Right when I unwrapped it, the fuse came off. Even the slightest movement might have caused it to explode, so the city police and the detective agency were duly contacted.”
“And that’s why I was sent over there,” said Tanizaki.
“I swear, every single time… How do you manage to constantly get yourself involved in these messes?”
Kunikida’s face was twisted in anguish as if he had just eaten a poisonous mushroom.
“Aw, c’mon, it’s just a fake.” At that moment, the tea Dazai ordered was brought to the table. Grinning, Dazai dropped a few sugar cubes in his teacup before taking a sip. Then he said, “This bomb ended up being a timer without any explosive components inside. Nothing more than a replica. Someone was just messing with me. Anyway, I already spoke with the perpetrator, so everything’s okay now.”
“Were they arrested?”
“Yep. I found a scrap of paper when I opened the bomb that said, ‘Keep your eyes on me and me alone.’ Turns out it was one woman’s unique yet extreme way of telling me she was obsessed with me. I had a few ideas as to who it could be, so I contacted them one by one until I found the criminal. After a good scolding, I convinced her it just wasn’t going to work out between the two of us. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself at the pub if she kept sending me bombs every day.”
Kunikida, in that moment the picture of exhaustion itself, stared at Dazai.
“…I see.”
His response was brief, but the look on his face essentially said, “I can’t even begin to fathom why someone like him is so popular with women.”
“And then one of the cops who showed up said to me, ‘It’s thanks to the Armed Detective Agency’s efforts to keep the city safe that we can do our jobs properly.’ Or something like that. I mean, how weird is that?”
“Oh?” Kunikida cocked an eyebrow. “Well, isn’t that nice… Not that you’d be in any position to complain if the cop drop-kicked you for getting bomb threats thanks to your half-assed flirting with every girl you see! You’re a menace to women everywhere!” Kunikida yelled while sternly kicking Dazai’s chair.
“It certainly is a good thing, though,” claimed Tanizaki with a strained smile. “I was equal parts grateful and suspicious. I mean, it’s the police’s job to protect the city so that the citizens can work in peace, isn’t it? That got me wondering why the president started a business that even the police appreciate.”
“And that’s what we talked about at the pub today,” added Dazai with a smile.
“I see.” Kunikida crossed his arms. “Danger does come with the job. Starting an agency isn’t something you can do on a whim. But as you know, the president is a man of humanity and justice. Search the entire country, and you still won’t find someone as fit for the job as he is. Personally, I believe the agency’s founding was divine providence.”
Kunikida took a sip of his tea, then scowled at Dazai out of the corner of his eye.
“Speaking of the detective agency,” Kunikida continued with an acidic note in his tone, “I just remembered something—Dazai, what happened with that kid?”