This is the tale of the Armed Detective Agency’s newest employee and the entrance exam that determined his suitability for the job.
Atsushi Nakajima—the night before his hiring.
The Armed Detective Agency’s office was located on the fourth floor of a reddish-brown brick building. Inside were an office floor, a reception area, a conference room, the president’s office, an infirmary, an operating room, and a kitchenette. A spiral staircase for emergency use stood in the back, but everyone usually took the single, old-fashioned elevator.
The three agents got on the elevator and headed to the detective agency. It was nighttime; most employees were already making their way home, and only a few still remained in the office sitting under the bright, white fluorescent lights. One was writing a letter, another was reading a novel, and the last one was eating noodles. They seemed to have stayed by choice, rather than because of remaining work.
The seaside was visible from the office windows, and a merchant ship’s steam whistle could be heard blowing a few times in the distance. Kunikida, Dazai, and Tanizaki casually waved and greeted the staff before heading into the conference room at the end of the office.
The room was already occupied.
“Oh my. Just look at what the cat dragged in. If it’s an autopsy you’re looking for, I’m afraid I’ve closed up for the day.”
With her slender legs crossed as she sat, Miss Yosano lifted her head up from reading the newspaper in her hands.
Skill User: Akiko YosanoSkill: Thou Shall Not Die
Yosano was the agency’s personal physician and a healing skill user, which was rare even on a global scale. She single-handedly took care of all medical treatment in the detective agency, and there was never a shortage of fresh wounds. An immensely capable physician who loved nothing more than performing surgeries and autopsies, Yosano would oftentimes try to operate on patients with even the smallest cuts or scrapes, thus making her far more frightening to her colleagues than any enemy. To make matters worse, her primary surgical tool was a hatchet.
“Dr. Yosano.” Tanizaki, the first to enter, blinked in surprise. “What are you doing in the conference room?”
“What does it look like? I’m reading the paper,” Yosano responded while flapping the paper in her hands. “I was really busy today, so I didn’t get a chance to check the news,” she added while she continued to read one particular column. “Another great article today, I might add.”
“I never took you for the type who likes to read the paper…,” Tanizaki said while taking a peek at the periodical. “So what’s this ‘great article’ you’re reading?”
“The best section in the newspaper: the obituary notices,” she said with a cheerful smirk. “Death is the fairest judge of all.”
“You can say that again,” Dazai added, all smiles as he appeared in the doorway.
After the brief exchange, Tanizaki, Kunikida, and Dazai walked into the room and took a seat in that order. The hands on the wall clock made a resounding tick, tick.
“So what are you all doing here?” asked Yosano after taking her nose out of the paper.
“Heh-heh… We’re having a meeting to decide on the next entrance exam,” Dazai brightly replied. “Remember that tiger-boy from yesterday? Well, turns out we’re going to come up with his exam democratically. I want to hear everyone’s opinion.”
“Democratically, huh?” Yosano raised an eyebrow. “How about we do the same thing we did for Tanizaki? How’s that?”
Yosano glanced in Tanizaki’s direction, and he instantly turned pale, shaking his head.
“I—I don’t ever…want to be reminded of that again.”
When Tanizaki was new, he had to pass what could be called a very harsh entrance exam. However, it was so harsh that all of Tanizaki’s memories of that day ended up buried deep in his subconscious. Remembering what happened would only bring underlying trauma up to the surface.
“Anyway, this isn’t about me.” Tanizaki leaned forward. “Let’s keep this exam tame.”
“Ooh, check out this article,” Yosano interrupted while reading the paper. “‘MANY DEAD OR INJURED AFTER ILLICIT SHANGHAI HAIRY CRAB SUPPLIER GOES UP IN FLAMES.’ I bet that smelled wonderful. Maybe I’ll walk by the place on the way home.” She licked her lips.
“D-don’t you think that’s just a little much…?” Tanizaki looked disturbed. “Besides, Yosano, that paper’s from two months ago. It’s old. You wouldn’t be able to enjoy the rich fragrance of freshly cooked crab even if you went.”
“Oh, hey… You’re right.” Yosano checked the newspaper’s date and frowned. “Who’s the wise guy who left this old paper lying on the table? Tch. And here I was excited for my chance to cut up some bodies from the fire—living or dead—under the pretense of helping a legal autopsy.” Yosano tossed the newspaper aside in disappointment.
“Yeah, I don’t know how I feel about mutilating living people with a hatchet…”
Tanizaki, who frequently found himself under the knife, expressed the kind of sympathy only a firsthand victim could.
“Grilled crab is the greatest treasure of this world,” Dazai commented, completely missing the point.
“Dazai.” Kunikida finally spoke in a low tone. “Forget about the crabs. What happened to the meeting? I thought you said you called everyone to the conference room, yet Dr. Yosano seems to be the only one here.”