I hadn’t been ready for Indigo Buchanan, but I sure as shit was now.
Chapter
Seven
INDI
* * *
Whoa. Wow.
I couldn’t believe I just had sex with Ford Ledger. Subject of all my teen fantasies then later—after the incident—all my hurt, anger and resentment.
The sex had been… explosive. Incredible. Satisfying times a gazillion. Clearly, that was how sex was supposed to be. It had been so different from my previous repressed attempts that they were now laughable.
He eased out of me and went to dispose of the condom and came back with a hand towel, wiping his beard, then his hands. As I absorbed what just happened—remembering the reason why he needed to wipe his face—uncertainty and a touch of shame crept back in. What would Buck have said about this? About me throwing myself at his best friend… again?
And what did it mean to Ford? Probably nothing.
Oh, God.
I scrambled to try to hunt for some clothes in the mess on the floor.
“Hold up,” Ford barked in that gruff, bossy voice of his. The one that raised my hackles even after the incredible orgasms. Yeah, multiple orgasms.
Instead of facing off, though, I frantically sorted through the clothes trying to find something to wear.
“Indi.”
I ignored him. Gah. This was just as humiliating as being naked in his bedroom all those years ago. When he’d covered his eyes, turned his back, and told me to get out. I’d rolled over, stuck my ass in the air, and all but told him to fuck me from behind.
Back then, he and Buck had been home on leave, and I’d just graduated high school. He’d been so friendly with me. By then, I wasn’t the annoying kid sister. That week, we’d laughed and talked the night my parents had him over for dinner. I’d grown up, and I was sure he’d noticed. He hadn’t been hitting on me, but I’d sensed his appreciation. His recognition that I was an adult—his equal. We’d laughed and joked together like old friends.
When he told me they were having a get-together with their old friends from high school, I’d thought the invitation meant something, that he’d really wanted me there. I hadn’t guessed it had been a second-hand invite. The kind made to make people feel included and nothing more.
So I, living in my fantasy world, had bypassed the party down by the creek and went inside the house and up to his bedroom. I’d taken off my clothes to show him I was willing, that I knew what sailors wanted when they were home on leave.
I stupidly thought I’d be fulfilling his fantasies along with mine.
God, what an idiot I’d been!
“Indigo.” Ford caught me around the waist and pulled my back up against his front. I could feel how much bigger he was. How strong. How hard… everywhere. “What just happened? Why are you freaking out?”
“I’m not freaking out,” I snapped, shutting my eyes. “I’m just trying to get dressed.”
“Hang on, Blue.” His lips found the place where my neck met shoulder, and he kissed me.
It was enough to calm the flutters in my belly. I relaxed a measure.
“Are you… ashamed… about what we did?” he murmured.
I went rigid again, and my eyes popped open, taking in the mess strewn all over the floor. “Of course not!” It was a lie. There was shame swirling around my chest, right along with the insecurity and fear of rejection. It was like I was eighteen again and bracing for Ford to cover his eyes and tell me to get out.
Except he didn’t let me go. Instead, he loosened his hold and turned me in his arms. “I really fucked with your head, didn’t I?” His blue eyes searched mine. Gone was the heat of desire, but I didn’t see the usual hostility I’d thought he felt toward me. Instead, he’d been fighting his attraction.
Still, his balls were empty. He got off. He hadn’t even gotten his pants to the floor. He could zip them back up and be on his way.
Except for once, his voice wasn’t gruff or commanding. It was soft with regret. He wasn’t mad. He appeared… shameful.
And with his question, all my defenses came down. My muscles went lax in his hold. I nodded, tears threatening. “You and Buck both,” I admitted.
His brows slammed down, and the tips of his fingers pressed into my skin. “What did Buck do?”
I tried to pull away, and Ford eased his grip. I didn’t want to look him in the face when I talked about it. It was too embedded in humiliation for me. I went back to searching the floor for a clean pair of panties. “The day after the party, he came into my room and gave me a big lecture.”
I finally found the pile of underwear. I selected a pair, then, thinking about my hot self-appointed bodyguard, changed my mind and selected a prettier pair—red with red lace.