Ford growled a little as I put them on, stepping up behind me to mold his hands around my asscheeks. “I like your panties,” he murmured.
I turned to face him, and for the first time, I really drank him in. The new lines on his face. The beard. The haunted quality behind his eyes, even though he was sated from sex. I’d found his all-American good looks intoxicating before, but this rougher, worn version of him? It went straight to my heart. Because he’d lived through war. Through seeing his best friend die. Other things I knew he’d never be able to tell.
“Buck’s the one who called me a slut,” I told him. “Even though I’d been a virgin.”
Ford winced. “I would fucking punch his teeth in if he were alive.”
I let out a pained laugh and paced away from Ford again to locate the matching bralette. “He said he was ashamed of me for offering myself like that. I’d embarrassed myself in front of you, he scolded.” It was easier to tell the story with my back turned. “I’d acted like a slut, and if I behaved like that with any other guys in town, I’d get a reputation.” I located the bralette beneath a sweatshirt and pulled it over my head, adjusted it into place. “He didn’t want my name—our name—to get sullied or some such bullshit.”
“That is bullshit. Total bullshit.” Ford sounded angry. He was in nothing but his jeans, the zipper up but the button was undone. It was his turn to pace around my room. “Indi…” He scrubbed a hand over his beard. “I’m sure Buck was trying to look out for you. He only said those stupid things because he cared and was trying to protect you when he couldn’t be here to punch guys’ faces in if they ever said something about you. Or tried anything.”
I dismissed his words with a shrug.
“Like I said, it wasn’t like I’d worked my way through the football team my senior year. I wanted you. I’d think Buck would have been cool with it, but he lost his shit.”
“He couldn’t protect you any other time, so he went all out then.” His words made sense, and I could tell he was trying to defend Buck. At least help me get his perspective. “That still didn’t make it right.”
I drew in a long breath and sigh. “Yeah.” I found a soft t-shirt and pulled it on.
He cornered me again, his hands coming to lightly rest on my waist. “I’m sorry. When I found you in my room that night, I choked. You looked…so. Fucking. Amazing. Like an angel had dropped off my dream girl wrapped up in nothing but a bow. I hadn’t even admitted to myself until that moment how hot I was for you, and there you were—giving me a Washington Monument-sized boner.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that imagery.
“But what could I do?” he continued. “You saw him. I knew Buck would kill me if I touched you. I mean, seriously kick my ass. Fucking little sisters goes against every bro-code.”
I lifted my chin, not too thrilled about the whole bros before hoes scenario. “So you picked humiliating me over standing up to Buck.”
He winced again, sniffed and stroked his beard. I was recognizing it was his habit when frustrated. “At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was only there for a week, and it couldn’t have been anything more than that one time. We were sent off on missions, one after another. Bad shit. I thought I was protecting you. From me.”
“What do you think now?” I asked, cocking my head.
“If I’d known I was damaging you, I would’ve tossed my buddy out the upstairs window before I let him cloud my judgment or call you a slut.”
It was my turn to wince at the word. It still hurt.
Seeing my pain, Ford pulled me closer, and I felt good in his arms. “Slut is one of those words you have to take back,” he murmured.
Take back?
I met his gaze and raised my brows. “You mean embrace it, so it doesn’t hurt any longer? Now you want me to be a slut?”
His grin turned feral. He pointed at his chest. “My slut. As I said, whatever you need sexually, I’ll give it to you. No holds barred. No shame.”
A laugh tumbled from my lips, and I tried to ignore the fizzing and popping of excitement his words induced. At how I’d been bold and rolled onto all fours, so he could fuck me from behind. I hadn’t expected him to spank my ass and talk dirty. So fucking dirty.
I’d liked it. All of it, and I hadn’t felt slutty. Okay, maybe I had, a little. But with Ford? For Ford? It wasn’t the same thing at all.