Love You Better (Better Love 1)

“A fling?” I spit the word. “That’s bullshit, Ivy, and you know it. This isn’t a fling. You’ve enjoyed every moment you’ve spent with me these past few weeks.”

“Enjoying the time with you isn’t the issue.”

“Then what is? Because from where I’m sitting, it feels like you’re running. I’ve made you feel too much, and you don’t know how to balance it, so you’re gonna push me away. I put your emotions into overdrive, and it terrifies you.” She looks out the window, refusing to meet my eyes. “This thing with you and me,” I continue, “was never a fling. It’s always been more, and that scares you because you didn’t plan for it.”

“You’re right,” she sputters. The anguish in her voice fucking crushes me. “I didn’t plan for it because it can’t happen. I can’t let myself lean on you again, Kelley. I can’t get lost in you. I can’t need you. Not again.”

“What do you mean again?” Her eyes are clamped shut, brow furrowed. “Prom? Are you talking about prom?” I watch as she tries to take measured breaths. “You said you’d forgiven me for that.” The pain in my words is loud, echoing through the car.

“It’s not...” she shakes her head and takes a deep breath, “It’s not that. I just can’t have a relationship right now. It doesn’t fit. You don’t fit.”

I feel like she’s slapped me.

“I don’t fit? Where? In your life? In your plans? Where don’t I fit, Ivy?”

“Anywhere,” she croaks. “Not right now. Not like this.” Her voice is a broken whisper, her eyes brimming with tears she’s fighting hard not to shed.

“Ivy,” I plead. “I won’t...I can’t... I cannot go back to just being your friend. Not after having you like this. I can’t. If you’re saying what I think you’re saying...”

My voice trails off and Ivy dashes another tear away from her cheek.

My chest physically aches. This is what real heartbreak feels like. I thought I’d felt it before, the first time she left, but I was wrong. The resigned, decided look that takes over her face? That is heartbreak.

“It’s my decision,” she clips out. “If you don’t want to drive me in the morning, I understand. I will take care of it.”

I gape at her, hurt and angry and fucking wrecked. As if I would leave her hanging. As if I would ever leave her hanging.

“I’ll be here at seven.”

She nods curtly, all-business. “Okay. See you then.”

And then she leaves me without a backward glance.

Again.

18

One Month After Senior Prom

I watch Ivy walk by the soccer field, but like the cowardly, prideful asshole I am, I say nothing. We haven’t spoken since prom. She hasn’t reached out, and neither have I.

It’s fine. I’m pissed that she left me for that lame-ass twerp after our argument in the lounge. I am definitely in the right, and she’s in the wrong. Right? Like, she basically shit all over our friendship by choosing Butt Munch Tyler. I said some shitty things, and yeah, I felt terrible afterwards, but I dumped Shelby after prom, and Ivy still won’t even look at me.

How are we supposed to fix things if she won’t even look at me?

Yeah. This is all her fault.

But that still doesn’t stop my eyes from tracking her every move.

“Trouble in Ivy and Kelley’s perfect paradise?” I didn’t even hear Preston come up next to me. “Can’t help but notice you guys ain’t been talking. Or sitting together. Or riding to school together,” he pries. “D’you finally fuck her?” He laughs, and I snap my eyes to him.

“Shut the fuck up, Preston.”

“Whoa, man, just asking. You’ve been laying that groundwork for years. Just thought maybe you’d finally pumped and dumped.”

“What the fuck, dude?”

He laughs loudly, oblivious that I don’t find his joke funny.