Love You Better (Better Love 1)

“If you’re done with her then can the rest of us have a try?” He’s taunting me. “Nice tits, big ass.” I’m seething, and when he cups his junk like a douche, I lose it, and attack him. He’s so surprised that I get three good punches in before he reacts.

The rest of the soccer team has to break us up, but not before I blacken Preston’s eye, bloody his nose, and fuck up the left side of his abdomen with a fuckton of knuckled body shots.

* * *

High School Graduation

I spent the last week of school on suspension for kicking Preston’s ass. No one seemed to care that he deserved it, but I didn’t care that I was suspended. At least I didn’t have to see Ivy. Seeing Ivy hurts. I missed a call from her last week after the fight, but she didn’t leave a message. I haven’t worked up the courage to call her back yet.

She spoke to my parents briefly after the graduation ceremony today. Her salutatorian speech was amazing, and I had to fight to keep my eyes off her.

There’s a huge graduation party out at Shelby’s tonight. Despite the fact that I beat the fuck out of him, Preston wants me to go, but I’d rather avoid my ex. Plus, I don’t want to see Preston’s dumbass even if his black eye and fat lip lighten my mood.

I tell myself my lack of enthusiasm for attending this party isn’t because I know Ivy wouldn’t be caught dead there. I turn my phone off and watch a stupid fucking horror movie and fall asleep by 11 p.m.

The next morning, I’m bored and watch a bunch of Instagram stories from the party. In the back of one of them, I see Ivy. I know it’s her because I’ve watched the fucking thing twenty times. It’s from around 10:30 p.m., and there’s not another sighting of her the rest of the night. I even went and stalked other people’s stories. Anyone who I thought would be there, including Shelby and Ivy’s ex, Tyler, I creeped on their damn social media, but nothing.

I wait five days before my curiosity gets the better of me and I drive to Ivy’s house. Her phone has been going straight to voicemail, all of my texts are unread, and I’m done waiting. This has gone on long enough. I know she broke up with Tyler after prom. It’s fucking stupid that we’re avoiding each other. We need to just fucking forget everything happened and

move on. We’re going to college together, for god’s sake. We can’t hate each other forever, right? She can’t stay mad at me forever. Right?

Jacob is playing outside when I pull up, so I ask him if he can grab Ivy for me.

“She’s gone,” he tells me with a shrug. I ask where and for how long, and he says he doesn’t know, and probably for the summer.

Okay, fine.

The summer. I’ll give her the summer.

As soon as college starts in the fall, we’ll fix this.

* * *

Freshman Year at Butler University

She’s not here.

I’ve searched faces at every freshman welcome assembly. Stalked every fucking dorm. Even checked over the student directory until my eyes practically bled.

She’s not here. She’s not at Butler.

Her phone is disconnected. I know because I’ve tried calling from mine at least a hundred times and from my roommate’s probably a hundred more.

The next weekend, I head back home and straight to Ivy’s mom’s house. No one answers, so I go to the diner where her mom works.

I ask where Ivy is. I ask what happened to her cellphone. I ask why she’s not at BU on academic scholarship like she should be.

“Ivy needs distance,” her mom says. “Stop trying to contact her for now, okay, Kelley? She’s going to be gone for a while. It’s best you leave her be.”

Distance? What the fuck does that even mean? She just up and left?

Shit. How did I fuck up so badly?

I drive back to campus that night, go to the first frat party I can find, and get absolutely trashed. And then I do it again the next weekend. When I find a blonde girl with blue eyes, I bring her back to my dorm and fuck her. I fumble through it, make a total ass of myself, and I’m not sure, but I think I called her Ivy.

And then I do it again the following weekend.

Then I start going out on Thursdays.