CHAPTER 28
Naomi
I simply looked at my husband, taking in his handsome profile in the morning light. My head hurt and so did my heart, wanting nothing more than to crawl into the large bed in the next room and cover myself with a blanket.
I hadn’t yet, wanting to see Gavril and ensure he was all right, at least, and now he was standing before me, a darkly beautiful man who was so broken on the inside. “I’m terrified of you,” I admitted, feeling like I needed to say it aloud. “I’m terrified of what you will do in your Bratva. I’m terrified that you look at me now and are disgusted by what you see.” That hurt my heart the most. I could take him being angry at me, but for him to look at me like he had was not something I liked at all.
His jaw clenched, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking. Gavril had to be under pressure about this whole war, and why he had come to see me, I wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t going to be good. “I don’t know who you are,” I said in a softer voice. “I see two sides of you, two broken sides that make me want to fix you, Gavril.”
“You do know me,” he countered, not moving from his post. “I’m the Pakhan.”
“But you are a person who cares deeply, even if you don’t like to admit it,” I added, tears blurring his profile. “Your sisters adore you. Those little girls you protect? They don’t see a monster. They see someone who laughs with them, someone who they see as a protector.”
Rising from the lounger, I came to stand before him. “I sometimes still see the man I fell in love with.” His eyes widened, and I realized he probably didn’t think I loved him or could love him, but heaven help me, I had.
The question remained if I still did, if I could move past everything I knew about Gavril and take it for what it was. It was a huge ask for me, knowing that he had let those women be violated like that, not including the other secrets that he still hadn’t told me and likely never would.
“Fell?” he finally asked, his voice a bit hoarse. “What about now, Naomi? Do you still love me?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I want to, but loving you means I accept everything you have done, every fault you have.”
Gavril visibly swallowed as I moved closer to him, reaching up to press my hand to his cheek. His stubble pricked my palm, and when his eyes met mine, I saw how exhausted he looked. “You don’t need this right now,” I reminded him, swallowing back my own emotions. Seeing him like this, I felt bad for unloading on him, for even having this conversation right now.
I went to drop my hand, but Gavril grabbed my wrist, simply holding it in his. “I don’t fucking understand any of this,” he bit out. “I don’t understand why I feel the way I do about you.”
His words broke my heart. I knew that love wasn’t a word he was used to, but it was what he needed the most. Gavril needed love, even if sometimes he didn’t deserve it.
Perhaps I wasn’t the person to give him love for the future. After everything that had happened between us, it was likely going to be impossible for him to love me and for me to forget who he was, but if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.
I would still be standing here, my heart in the palm of his hand, knowing that I would never receive the love I deserved from him.
I brought my other hand to his and moved both our hands to my stomach, where our child rested. “This is why you feel anything,” I said in a near whisper. “I’m carrying your child.”
Gavril’s eyes dilated, but they never left my face. “That’s not the only reason.”
My breath caught at his honest words, and I didn’t allow myself to hope. Hope wasn’t going to fix this between us, nor was it going to help me out in the long run. Gavril was confused. He had too much going on right now to even think about anything else. “Will you come and show me?” I blurted out.
His brow lifted, and he gave me a single nod as he released my wrist. I took his hand and led him to the bed, turning to face him. “How would you like for me to show you?” he asked as I dropped his hand.
I swallowed back the wealth of emotion in my throat. “I want you to make love to me, Gavril.” If this was to be our last time together, I wanted it to go out on a good note for both of us.
I wanted to push everything away and feel him.
“Naomi,” he said softly as his hands came up to frame my face. “What are you doing to me?”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, wanting to silence his words for now. I didn’t need to hear anything that wasn’t the truth. He didn’t have to flatter me with words any longer. I knew that our time was short, and if he chose to get rid of me afterward, at least I would go out in a way that I wanted.
Instead of ravaging my mouth, Gavril moved over my lips with aching softness that caused my chest to tighten. He savored every inch of my lips, nibbling the corners before coaxing them open and sweeping his tongue inside. I reached up to entangle my hands in his hair, pressing my body against his the best I could, given the sudden swell of my stomach. Gavril’s cock pressed into the soft flesh of my stomach and when his tongue found mine, I moaned low in my throat.
This I couldn’t get enough of. This was where nothing else mattered. Not his Bratva, not my issues with Jon.
This was just us and all it should be.
Gavril lowered us to the bed, not breaking the kiss until I was pressed into the mattress. Only then did he lift his head and gaze down at me, some of the hardness no longer in his expression. When his hand grabbed the hem of my shirt and eased it upward, I helped him throw it over my head, baring my free breasts. “Fucking gorgeous,” he murmured, his hand covering my aching breast. I felt the spiral of heat settle in my gut as I arched against his touch, wanting him to touch me all over. I wanted to lose myself in his fingers, in his kisses until there was nothing left.
“Gavril,” I gasped as he lowered his head and brushed his lips over the taut nipple. He chuckled and took the nipple between his teeth before suckling hard.
Instantly, I went wet with need, winding my arms around his neck to hold him there. Gavril switched to my other breast as his hand reached down between us and tugged at the pants I had on, pushing them over my hips and onto the floor. When his thumb found my soaking slit, he groaned, pulling back. “Fuck, Naomi, you are so fucking wet for me.”
“Yes,” I breathed, brushing against his thumb and urging him to touch me. “For you.” There would never be another for me. Gavril was it. He was the final show for me, and even if he sent me to parts unknown, I would never find the same thing with anyone else.
He was clearly my soul mate, however fucked up it was.
Gavril leaned down and brushed his lips over mine. “I want to taste you.”
I whimpered as he slid down my body and knelt between my thighs, his callused hands gently forcing my knees apart. Gavril inhaled before pressing a kiss to the inside of my left thigh, his lips moving higher as my heart ratcheted up another few beats.
I was going to combust before he tasted me.