Until Lexi

She says it with so much venom, I try to hold back a laugh, but end up snorting.

“But you rock that glittery neon pink, Riley.”

Penny snickers, crawling out the fort without comment.

“Where’s she going?”

I lean over, trying to look around the blanket to see where she went, but end up falling over instead. Riley’s still laughing her ass off when Penny reappears a minute later with her hands full of bottled cocktails.

“You tryin’ to get us drunk, Pen?” Riley asks with a sly smirk.

“Oh, shut the hell up and take a couple of these before I drop them. I don’t know how waitresses do this shit,” she grumbles.

“I mean… usually they have a tray.”

Penny pins me with an annoyed glare and drops two bottles in my lap. “You can get your own next time.”

“Aww.” I pout playfully, then pucker my lips and blow her a kiss. “You know I love you, Pen.”

She winks, and pops the top off one of the bottles, taking a swig.

“So… this girly shit is what we’re drinking now?” Riley asks, inspecting the bottle in her hand.

“It’s all we’ve got,” Penny says, shrugging her shoulders. “You know we can’t keep any hard liquor in the house…” The rest is left unspoken. We all know why. “Not to mention… someone needs to be responsible. We’ve got Mercy.”

That’s Penny, in a nutshell.

Always the responsible one, at least since Mercy was born.

What I wouldn’t give to see her let loose a little.

Riley must be thinking along the same lines.

“Mercy’s out like a light. She’s not gonna wake up before morning,” Riley points out. A devious smile lights her face. “And we could all use a little something to help us relax.”

Riley pulls a little tin from… well…

I cock my head to the side.

To be quite honest, I can’t tell where the hell she pulled that from.

Still grinning, she opens the tin and takes out a joint.

Holding it between two fingers, she wiggles it, like a little tease.

“Wanna burn one for old times’ sake?”

Penny stares at it, torn. I can tell she wants to, that little devil on her shoulder telling her to give in. Of course, there’s an angel on the other shoulder, warning her about all the reasons she shouldn’t.

It’s a choice she’ll have to make for herself.

I, however, have no such reservations.

I don’t have a little angel on my shoulder. That bitch abandoned me years ago.

“Right the fuck on. I’m in!”

Penny glances from the joint in Riley’s hand to Mercy, who’s still sleeping soundly.

“You know what… let’s do it. One hit won’t hurt.”

“Hell yeah, girl!” Riley cheers.

The three of us crawl out of the blanket fort, bringing our girly drinks with us as we race to the back door. We file outside, making sure to leave the door open a crack so we can hear Mercy in case she does wake up (but we know she won’t).

See. We’re responsible adults.

Skipping past the chairs on the deck, the three of us sit shoulder-to-shoulder on the steps, Riley in the middle. She slides a lighter from her pocket and sparks the joint, taking the first hit, then a second. She quickly passes it to Penny before she can change her mind. Penny doesn’t hesitate, taking a long drag before passing it my way. She’s a little too ambitious, though, and ends up choking when she inhales too fast.

“Fuck,” she sputters out between coughs, waving the smoke away from her face. “You’d think I’ve never done this before.”

Chuckling, I take a drag, fill my mouth with smoke and breathe deep, smiling as the smoke slowly filters into my lungs. Blowing it out, I take another hit and pass it on.

“It’s been a long time for you, Pen,” I point out, voice strained from holding in the smoke.

We don’t say much else while we finish smoking, content to enjoy the quiet while the high sinks in.

But silence never lasts.

“Are we ever gonna talk about it?”

I look over to see Penny with her head resting on Riley’s shoulder. This has been the hardest on her, and I think we all know it. Reaching over, I grab her hand and squeeze.

“We will… but not tonight,” I tell her.

Tonight is supposed to be about us.

No drama.

“You know what we can talk about…” Riley says, and I already know what’s coming. “We can talk about what’s going on with you and the hot P.I.”

“Hot?”

“Don’t try and deflect. I’m a lesbian, Lexi, not blind. I don’t have to be physically attracted to a man to admit that he’s good-looking.”

Penny snickers, then falls into full-on giggles. “We’ve all noticed. Riley’s the only one who wouldn’t fuck him.”

Riley snorts, sending Penny into another fit of laughter.

These bitches.

Sighing, I decide to give them the truth.

“I’m into him, like really into him,” I finally admit out loud.

“More like he’s been into you,” Penny teases, making Riley laugh this time.

I shoot her my most serious glare, daring her to keep going.

“Sorry,” she says, but she can’t keep the smile from her face. She mimes zipping her lips, and gestures for me to continue.

The weed must loosen my lips because everything comes bursting out like water from a broken dam.

“I really like him, guys. It’s not even the sex, though that’s… wow. It’s fucking hot. Best I’ve ever had, but that’s not the point. I can see myself with him, ya know? And that’s never happened. I’ve been with a lot of guys, but I’ve never wanted more than a night, sometimes two. Not until Jake showed up. And it can’t be anything… right? I mean, he doesn’t even live here. Why does the first guy I want to have a relationship with have to live in another state? After we get the DNA results and he can give his friend all the answers, he’ll be gone. Whatever we are… it’s amazing, but temporary. Very temporary. I fucking hate it.”

I’m met with silence.

Turning my head to look at my girls, I’m met with blank stares. Penny blinks, looking at me like she’s never seen me before. Riley bounces back faster, a smirk tipping the corners of her lips.

“Did you even breathe through all that?”

Penny finally snaps out of it and smacks Riley’s thigh. “Hush, Riley. Lexi…” She moves her hand to my leg, squeezing my knee. “You’re worth sticking around for. I hope you know that.”

“I can’t ask him to stay.”

“Maybe you won’t have to.”

I fidget, not comfortable with the turn this conversation has taken. I’ve never been open about my feelings, and having aired them, I’m feeling extremely off-kilter. I also don’t want to think about the possibility of Jake staying any longer than he needs to. Letting that hope build only to be let down later? Nah. I’m not going to put myself through that. I’ll enjoy it for what it is for as long as I can.

That’s all there is to it.

So, I do what I do best, deflect and distract.