Jamison
The Morgans were wonderful, like really wonderful. I felt welcome in every way. Duke, Cody’s father, hugged me as soon as I arrived. And then, so did everyone else. Sarah told me she was so happy to see me again and gushed over my dress. All of Cody’s brothers were handsome and those with women on their arms seemed utterly devoted to them. Luke’s wife, Maddie, was a warm woman with an easy smile and bright-blue hair, which you’d think would feel totally out of place in rural Montana, but it suited her. Bill’s wife was Kat freaking Bennett. She was like an international music phenomenon. Who wouldn’t be devoted to her? She was so down-to-earth, barefoot and chasing her daughter, while also carrying on conversation and eating potato chips. Apparently, chips were the all-star food group during her current pregnancy. She laughed a lot and hugged me more than once. First, when we met and then when I talked about giving birth without anyone but the nurses there to support me.
Wyatt teased me and flirted with me, most likely trying to get a rise out of his brother, which he did. And everyone, everyone, treated my son like he belonged to them, playing with him, laughing with him, offering him food—after they checked with me about allergies or rules. They showed him more love in an hour than I’d received in my entire childhood.
Honestly, it was a little emotionally overwhelming because it occurred to me that all these people were going to love Flynn. They were going to be there for him, always. He would never ever feel isolated like I did. I didn’t know I was carrying the burden of being a single mom with only my parents and their money on my side, or that on some deep psychological level, I was constantly worried that if something happened to me, he would be left with them. I knew firsthand that even with all the money in the world, unloved by them was no way for a person to grow up. Even if something happened to me, Flynn would have the Morgans. He wasn’t alone.
And the thing was, I was in love with Cody. I kept catching his eyes from across the barbecue and we would smile at each other and I would just fucking glow. Without a doubt, he was the man I wanted, always. But in an instant, I would give up Cody Morgan to make sure that Flynn had this family as his own. So, there was really nothing left to consider. I was going to tell him tonight. And until then, I was going to enjoy these last few hours of basking in the glow of loving him in a way I never thought possible for a girl who came from soulless people.
So I mingled, floating from one conversation to the next. I learned about Bill and Kat’s house, Maddie’s work as a beautician, Duke’s infatuation with his granddaughter, Luke’s current art opening in Bozeman. Eventually, I wound up sitting in a circle of chairs, the kind you could buy at the supermarket, watching Cody play keep-away with Flynn and Molly. I had been talking to Sarah about her new album, but Kat asked her if she wanted to help get dessert ready. She stood up mid-sentence and continued to talk to me as she walked backwards toward the house. When she was at a distance that required an elevated voice, she said, “Ugh, more later?”
I smiled and nodded, and then I was alone. The sun was going down, and soon, the fireflies would come out. I sat quietly watching them all—Maddie, with Duke’s arm around her, talking to Wyatt. Kat poking Luke in the belly like he’d just offended her, Bill loading up his third plate of food, Cody being goofy with the kids. They were just happy. It seemed strange but in my entire life, I’d never been to a party like the Morgans’ barbecue. Every party I’d ever been to was about being seen and who you knew. This party was about laughing and talking and being silly with your people. There was no pretense. Everywhere I looked they were smiling. It was so foreign to me, so simple and so unbelievably beautiful.
Horse moseyed in my direction and took a seat in the plastic lawn chair next to mine. He was carrying two beers and he offered me one. I took it and twisted it open, using the hem of my dress as a buffer between my hand and the metal cap.
“He’s good with him,” he said, tipping his beer in the direction of Cody, Molly, and Flynn.
“Yeah, he is,” I answered, thinking nothing of it.
“I can see how he didn’t see the resemblance. Flynn looks more like Luke than Cody. Luke looks like their mama. I’ve seen pictures. Flynn looks like you and her.” His voice was so calm. So utterly unaggressive.
My eyes fluttered closed and I took a little breath, trying to keep myself from bursting into tears. I didn’t know what to do. I promised myself that if Cody asked, I would tell the truth. Horse wasn’t Cody and he wasn’t asking, but I wouldn’t lie to him either.
“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna tell him or them.”
I studied my hands, my unpolished fingernails, and tried to say something, but still couldn’t find any words.
“I just came over here to tell you that it’s going to be okay.”
Shocked, I turned my face to look at him and croaked, “What?”
“They’re gonna forgive you. He’s gonna forgive you.”
Now, I was crying. Not sobbing, just a tear or two spilling down my cheeks. I turned back to Cody. He was lying on the ground laughing with both kids climbing on top of him.
“How could he?” I asked.
“That’s who they are. They love. They’re gonna love you both because he does.”
I swallowed the well of sadness that rose up in my chest.
“I love Cody so much,” I said. “But it’s not about me.”
He was quiet at that and then after a few minutes, he said, “Come on, they’ve got pie.” Horse put his hand on my shoulder as he stood up. “Just tell him, James. It’ll be okay.” He reached for my hand to help me stand. As we walked toward the group, he smiled as he said, “It’s gonna suck at first. Like really bad, you know that, right? Like maybe the worst pain you’ve ever felt.”
I couldn’t help myself, I laughed nervously.
* * *
I satwith Cody’s family at the picnic table eating pie. Someone had lit a whole bunch of citronella candles so we were all basked in a warm golden cocoon of light, but beyond the table, night had set in. The Morgans continued to laugh and tease each other and they passed out plates and cut slices. The rib of the moment was the abundance of pie. For the twelve of us, Bill had brought home five pies.
“So, let me get this straight,” Kat said, her words rumbling with controlled laughter. “I sent you to Hazel for pie. I told you we were going to be twelve and you thought each of us required a little more than a third of a pie.”
Wyatt grabbed a whole pie, put it in front of him, and then said, “This one’s mine. Can I have a fork?”
Cody snickered.
Bill, responding to Kat, said, “They're all different.”
Sarah, smiling, said, “Okay, so you got five pies because you couldn’t choose.”
“It’s not like we aren’t gonna eat ’em eventually,” Luke said.
Little Molly chimed in, “I want to eat one now.”
“Good point, kiddo.” Duke glowed at her.
In a good-natured huff, Bill sighed. “Ladies and gents, my wife is pregnant, and I have learned in this life that when a woman is pregnant, you get all the types of pie, unless you want to be calling Hazel in the middle of the night to open her shop and sell you the one you didn’t buy.”
“Heavens to Betsy,” Kat said under her breath, but she looked pleased.
Then a little too loud, Maddie said, “Are you taking notes, Luke?”
A deafening silence came over the crowd and they all stared at Maddie and Luke, whose head whipped around to stare at his wife.
In a small voice that echoed around the quiet table, Maddie said, “They called from the IVF clinic this afternoon. We are not on the waiting list anymore.”
Catching up quick at the words IVF clinic, I realized that Maddie and Luke faced fertility issues. Across from me, Sarah gasped a little and I could see the tears shining at the corner of her eyes. In fact, the entire Morgan clan seemed on the verge of crying.
“We’re not?” Luke said, his voice shaking.
Maddie took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling quickly, “Nope. We are the proud parents of six healthy frozen embryos, donated to us from a couple in California.”
“Holy shit, baby,” Luke said reverently as he wiped his eyes by pinching them between his thumb and his middle finger. “This is really happening. You’re gonna be a mommy.”
Crying now, Maddie said, “I hope so.”
Luke kissed her shamelessly and Wyatt stood up, clapping, and yelled, “Huzzah!”
Kat laughed, but next to me, Cody stood up and did the same. “Huzzah!”
Then Bill and Duke. “Huzzah!”
Then Molly and Kat. “Huzzah!”
Flynn tugged at my hem. I looked up at Cody and he nodded, so we stood and me and my baby said, “Huzzah!”
Then there were lots of hugs, more happy tears, and an awful lot of pie. I felt utterly blessed that, for one night, I got to be a Morgan.