Cody
James came in her own car, so once she had Flynn buckled up in the back, I kissed her, leaning against the driver’s side door, then told her I was gonna go inside and grab some things, take a quick shower and that I’d see her at her house in an hour or so. She ran her fingertips through the path of my scruff, her eyes focused on me, also caressing my face and said, “I had such a good time tonight. I’m so happy for them.”
I could see that she was. She fit. James walked into my family like she belonged, and I liked it. I liked having her there. I liked sitting next to her at the table and catching her eye across the yard. Being with her was better than being alone. I kissed her again, deeper this time. From where they were still cleaning up a bit, one of my brothers whistled. Annoyed, I pulled back and tapped the door above her head with my fist.
“We haven’t kissed enough today,” I growled.
“Well, then, I guess you better hurry up and get on over to my place.”
We shifted so she could open the door of the SUV. She got in and I leaned on the window frame.
“I won’t be long,” I said.
“I’ll be waiting,” she smiled.
I kissed her one more time, then closed the door. I tapped my hand twice on the car hood and stepped back, watching her go in reverse to pull out and then turn so I was looking at her taillights as she drove away.
Eager to get going, I ran up the porch steps into the house, smacked through the door, and was halfway up the steps when my father called out, “Cody?”
I stopped and hollered back, “Yep?”
“Can you come down here for a minute?”
A little peeved but dutiful, I heaved out a sigh and turned, heading back down the stairs into the living room where my dad was sitting in front of the television. He didn’t say anything right away, but I knew the look on his face. It was the let’s talk for a minute look, so I sat down on the couch across from my father’s La-Z-Boy.
“What’s up?” I asked
“She’s a nice girl,” my father offered, lowering the volume on the television but not turning it off.
“Yeah,” I said quietly.
“I liked her.”
“Yeah.” I sighed again. “I like her too.”
“You love her, son.” He said this like I was a fool for not realizing it.
I didn’t say anything.
After a few moments of nothing but muted newscasters, he softly spoke. “You know, loving your mama, even though I lost her, was the best thing in my life.”
I nodded. I’d heard him say this before.
“Cody, look at me.”
I looked up. He'd finally taken his eyes off the TV and he was looking right at me.
“I would do it again. I would choose your mother, knowing that I was going to suffer, knowing that you and your siblings were going to suffer, because what we had of her was perfect for me. She gave me all of you and you are all perfect for me.”
“Dad, I…”
He didn’t let me speak. “Let yourself love her, Cody.”
“It’s not that easy, Dad. She lives in Texas. She has a son. It’s complicated.”
“Love is always complicated.” He smiled.
“But is it supposed to be?”
“Look at your brothers for Christ’s sake. They were a mess, but they’re happy now. And Sarah. She’s happy too. You just gotta let it in.”
I found the conversation irritating, but I didn’t feel like fighting with him so I just said, “Yeah, okay, Dad, thanks for the pep talk.” I went to stand.
“One more thing.” I settled back onto the couch. “She’s gonna make mistakes, Cody. Big ones. Try to see it from her side. Life can be very convoluted.”
There is something about being parented after a certain age that just doesn’t work. It’s like once you’re an adult you don’t see your parent as an all-knowing being anymore and so their wisdom and authority get totally overridden by the fact that you’ve realized that they're human. So I pursed my lips and said nothing because, honestly, one TV side chat wasn’t going to shift a lifetime of swearing off long-term relationships, and it wasn’t going to change the fact that James lived thousands of miles away.
My father’s eyes had drifted back to the evening news, but still, he said, “I see you not caring to listen, Cody John Morgan. But mark my words, you love that girl and she loves you. You are free to suffer if you want to. Or you could snap out of it and grab what’s right in front of you and hold on tight.”
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