There’s nothing in her eyes. No smile, no frown. Nothing at all. Like she’s reciting from a script.
And that’s what finally breaks me.
Mom’s not trying to convince me. Mom’s telling me what they’re making her say. She’s repeating it verbatim, because Cillian’s so desperate to turn me onto his side and get me back in that house. He wants a spy because he’s losing this war, and he’s willing to use his own half-sister to get what he needs. Mom’s not willingly playing into this. Mom’s a prisoner, like me.
Which means this is their opening gambit. I glance at Cillian and he’s grinning at me like he fucking knows I figured it out. He’s staring like, yes, love, this is the easy way, you don’t want the hard way, do you? I’m so mad I could scream and so scared I could cry.
I do neither. I put a smile on my lips. I raise my chin up high.
“Are you sure?” I ask, and I think back to Fynn laughing at me, calling me a terrible liar. He’s right, I am a terrible liar, but my mother’s life was never hanging in the balance before.
“I’m sure, sweetie,” she says, nodding a few times. “Ronan says they’ll trade you back to the Brunos, and from there you just have to listen and watch. That’s all, really easy.”
“There’s money in it for both of you,” Ronan says, leaning back casually. “And a place in our family, of course.” That last part is a total lie. Cillian will use me up and spit me out, and Ronan couldn’t care less.
I look at Cillian. He looks back, lips curled. He seems highly amused. “Let’s talk privately.”
He shrugs as if to say, whatever you want. He gestures at the back door and I follow him into a small yard of stone and concrete. A patio set is on the right and a high wooden fence surrounds the space. I shut the door and lean against it heavily. I can’t look at him, but he’s looking at me expectantly.
“You’re going to hurt her if I don’t agree to do what you want.” It’s not a question.
“That’s right.” He doesn’t bother to deny it. Why would he? We understand each other, my brother and I.
“And all that in there?”
“A farce for her benefit. It’ll keep her calm. You can go ruin the illusion, but I don’t think it’ll help things at all.”
“Might make your life harder.”
He waves a hand in the air. “If my life’s harder, yours is ten times worse. Let’s not measure dicks, okay?”
I squeeze my eyes shut.
Fynn, my Fynn. His lips and hands and voice. I miss him so badly it fucking hurts. I want to cry, to break down and sob, all because I don’t have him.
And they’re going to send me back, but it’ll never be the same.
I can’t keep doing what we were doing, not anymore. I’ll be a spy for the O’Shea clan, and every kiss, every caress, every orgasm will be a disgusting lie.
Which means I have to give him up. When they trade me back to the Brunos, I’ll be Mirella the physical therapist again, nothing more. No stolen kisses, no cuddling in bed. No more falling asleep with his cock still between my legs and his tongue licking sweat from my nipples.
It’s over. My one chance is over.
They have my mother, which means they have me.
“Okay, Cillian. I’ll help you.”
The words feel like hot bile retching up my throat, and my half-brother laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.
Chapter 30
Fynn
“We can’t fuck her over.” I pace along the length of the pool. The sun’s a miserable hell but I don’t care. I’m sweating both from the heat and anger. Casso’s sitting on one of the pool chairs wearing his usual button-down and slacks. Gavino lingers nearby, rubbing his temples. Nico’s inside with Genaro, having a friendly conversation with the Capo about loyalty, manners, and composure.
“We’re not fucking her over,” Casso says, “but we can’t give up all that territory. You know what’ll happen. It’ll be goddamn mutiny.”
“Are you more worried about your position as the Don now or about doing the right thing?” I spit the words at him and I know they aren’t fair, I can feel it as they roll off my tongue, but I can’t stop it.
He winces like I slapped him. I hate myself for going too far, but the desperation crawls along my skin and I’ll do anything to help Mirella at this point. Shouting at my brother, even if he has good reasons, is only one small step I’m willing to take to get her back.
“You know it’s not that. If I could step down and let someone else, someone better…” He trails off and shakes his head. We all know there’s nobody else and nobody better. Casso was born, bred, and trained for this role, and he’s the one that has to lead us through. “We’ll negotiate more. Offer him something else. I don’t understand why Cillian cares about her so much.”