Against The Grain (THIRDS 5)

“I had my suspicions for a while but felt it wasn’t the right time to address it. With Dex, my suspicions were confirmed at the hospital.” Maddock let out a heavy sigh and sat back, his gaze off in the distance at nothing in particular. “When I saw him at Sloane’s bedside, his anguish clear as day as he tried not to fall apart, I knew he’d fallen in love. Broke my damn heart seeing him like that.”

“For what it’s worth,” Ash offered, “those two are crazy about each other. I’ve known Sloane since we were kids. Believe me. He’s in deep. And I’m not just saying that because he’s my best friend. You know Sloane. He might not be perfect, but he’s a good guy.”

“And you?”

God, he wished he were anywhere but here right now. He’d even take sitting in on one of Intel’s long-ass boring-as-fuck presentations with all their mind-numbing algorithms and PowerPoints. They worked under the military branch of the government, and still they couldn’t escape those fucking things. “What about me?” Did his sergeant really want him to answer that? Besides, judging by his expression, Maddock already knew the answer.

“Sloane has his issues, and although he might need some sense knocked into him every once and a while, he finds his way. More importantly, I can see how he’s opened up with Dex. When things get rough, he turns to the man he loves. He’s grown more confident in himself and their relationship. He smiles more. Laughs. I haven’t seen him happy like this in a long time. It’s good. You on the other hand….” Maddock leaned forward, and his hard gaze pinned Ash to the spot. “I know behind that fierce roar of yours is a guy who isn’t as sure of himself as he pretends to be. You’re aggressive and, let’s face it, an asshole.”

And there it was in a nutshell. “Thanks, Sarge,” Ash muttered.

“I’m not done. You might be an asshole, but you’re a good man where it counts and a damn fine agent. I’d be a fool to say your methods haven’t provided results out in the field. There are no easy answers in this line of work, but you always find a way to cut straight through all the bullshit, and I respect that. But we’re not talking about fieldwork here. We’re talking about my son. I know you care about Cael, but you’ve got some angry demons inside of you looking to claw their way to the surface, and if that wasn’t enough, there’s the fact you don’t know who you are. Where does that leave Cael, besides on the road to a broken heart? You think I haven’t noticed how miserable he’s been since your undercover job? Or how he fucked up that training simulation?”

Ash straightened. This was the first he’d heard about this. “When?”

“While you were working undercover to infiltrate the Coalition. Sloane executed a breaching simulation. The usual training session. Cael had been so wrapped up in his own little world, he looked at the wrong screen and gave Calvin the all clear.”

Shit. “Let me guess. It wasn’t clear.”

“Nope. Your partner shot him in the leg. Twice.”

“Wait, Calvin got shot? How? And where the hell was Hobbs?” No Human got the drop on Calvin from that distance, especially with any kind of firearm. The guy was the fastest shooter on their team and a fucking sniper. What the hell was going on? As if reading his thoughts, Maddock spoke up.

“Yeah, Cael wasn’t the only one who fucked up that day. Those two aren’t your problem. I’ll deal with them. The point is Cael’s focus wasn’t on the job, it was on you. Remember this, Keeler. Just because you don’t hear me or see me doesn’t mean I don’t know every little thing going on with my team.” Maddock sat back with a sigh. “Dex and Cael wear their hearts on their sleeves. It makes it easy to know what’s going on in their heads. It also makes it easy for someone to hurt them. I like you, for the most part. What I don’t like is where this is heading.”

“And where’s that?” Ash was curious. He wasn’t exactly a catch. Maddock had every right to be concerned. Ash’s track record for successful relationships left a lot to be desired. With Cael, it was different. Man, was that an understatement. It had been so much simpler when they’d been friends. Being affectionate toward Cael had come easy. Cael had brought out emotions in him he hadn’t known existed. Now Ash was having trouble figuring out which way was up.

“Let me tell you a little story.”

“Sarge, as much as I’m enjoying this little one-on-one, this is between me and Cael.” Ash turned to get up, surprised when Maddock put a hand out to stop him.

“Sit your ass down. You need to hear this.”

Ash didn’t question Maddock. He resumed his seat and listened, not liking the way his sergeant rubbed at the salt-and-pepper stubble on his jaw, as if he were reluctant to say whatever was on his mind. He seemed to come to a decision about it and nodded.

“Aside from the various boyfriends who dumped Cael for reasons ranging from his being smarter than them to things just not working out, there are two who are on my shit list. Those relegated to the Tony Maddock shit list are Therians I wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire. One, Shane Cruz. Despite Dex’s warning to his brother about falling for a straight guy, Cael fell for him anyway. The reason he’s on the shit list is because he used Cael’s feelings to take advantage of him, getting Cael to do his assignments. That dumbass not only graduated high school with high marks because of Cael, he earned himself a scholarship off Cael’s hard work. Then he packed up, changed his number, and fucked off to California. Broke Cael’s heart.”

Ash didn’t reply. If he did, only unpleasant words would come out. Wherever Shane Cruz was, Ash hoped karma came back to bite him on the ass or punch him in the balls. Ash preferred the latter.

“The second, he’s at the very top of the shit list.”

Maddock’s expression darkened, and Ash braced himself. He really didn’t want to hear this, but like an idiot, he sat there and listened.

“The only reason I didn’t throw his ass in jail or the fucking Hudson River is because Cael wouldn’t let me.”

“Jail?” Jesus, it was worse than he thought. Why hadn’t Cael told him? Cael shared everything with him, despite Ash’s inability to do the same more often than not. “Shouldn’t Cael be the one telling me all this?”

Maddock continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “Have you noticed how Cael apologizes for everything? Even when he’s done nothing wrong? When there’s nothing for him to apologize for? Why do you think that is?”

Ash shrugged and sat back. “I figured it’s just part of his nature. He’s a sweet guy.”

“It’s not part of his nature,” Maddock growled, surprising Ash. “It’s what happens when a piece of shit like Don Fuller gets his claws into a guy like Cael. Nearly two years that son of a bitch put my boy through hell. You don’t know what it’s like to have your son come home with a black eye and know his boyfriend was the one responsible.”

“What the fuck?” Ash slammed his fist on the table, the drink glasses jumping and causing the soda to spill. He caught himself, remembering who he was talking to. “Sorry.” Ash swiped a handful of napkins from the dispenser at the end of the booth and promptly cleaned up the spilled liquid. He had to calm down. If he didn’t…. Fuck, he didn’t even want to think about it. Before his thoughts could turn ugly, Maddock continued.

“I never told Cael this, but that night, Dex kept me from doing something stupid.”

Ash pushed the soggy napkins to one side. There was something in Maddock’s eyes, in his tone, that said maybe he wished he’d done whatever it was he’d meant to do that night.