Against The Grain (THIRDS 5)

Maddock shook his head, his eyes filled with a pain and silent rage Ash imagined only a parent could feel, knowing their child was in danger.

“You should have heard Cael. Apologizing for that bastard, blaming himself for whatever it was that set Fuller off, promising he could handle it, that it wouldn’t happen again. After Cael cried himself to sleep, I went downstairs, grabbed the crowbar from my toolbox, and I headed out the door with every intention of beating the ever-living shit out of that son of a bitch. I didn’t care that he was a Therian, that I was a THIRDS officer. The entire time, I kept thinking, ‘How fucking dare he lay a hand on my boy?’ I got my keys out of my pocket, ready to get in the car, when Dex stepped in front of me. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Don’t let that asshole break up our family. I’ll take care of it.’ Cael couldn’t see what we saw. The only way to get him away from Fuller for good was for Dex to get through to Cael. Cael had to be the one to walk away, to really see Fuller for what he was.” Maddock rubbed his eyes. “Most heartbreaking year of my life. But Dex never gave up.”

Ash couldn’t believe what he’d heard. Maddock was even more protective of Cael than he was of Dex. Cael was the baby of the family, always coddled by his big brother and dad. Dex wouldn’t hesitate in taking someone down if they tried to hurt Cael. Hell, Dex had punched Ash in the face when he’d been undercover and said some harsh words to Cael in an attempt to keep him safe, and Ash was his teammate. Yet somehow that asshole Fuller had managed almost two years with Cael? God only knew what damage he’d caused in that time. Ash didn’t know what to do with this information other than feel rage.

“How could you let it happen?”

Maddock narrowed his eyes at him. “I didn’t let it happen, Keeler. You think if I’d known what was going on, I wouldn’t have addressed it sooner? Cael spent more time with that bastard than he did with his family. At first Dex and I thought it was just young love. It wasn’t. Fuller convinced Cael that he needed to devote all his time to him, because he couldn’t stand to be away from Cael. It was bullshit. Cael was falling hard, and Fuller knew it. He played it just right when we met him, said all the right things to come off as a genuinely decent guy. Something didn’t sit right with me, but I put it down to my never liking any guy looking to be Cael’s boyfriend. I pulled a background check on Fuller, and he was clean. The guy’d just been recruited to the THIRDS, for fuck’s sake.”

Ash could feel his anger threatening to burst free, but he maintained a firm grip. He needed to hear the rest of this, even if it killed him.

“Cael would make excuses every time we called about why he couldn’t come to dinner or hang out with his brother. It hurt Dex, but he respected Cael’s privacy. Of course, you know Dex can’t be ignored for long. He grew more and more suspicious. And when that boy gets something in his head, ain’t nothing gonna stop him. He’d show up at Cael’s school, his job at the campus coffee shop, wherever he could. That’s when we noticed little things. New insecurities Cael never had before. He was apologizing more. Seemed more skittish than usual, more down on himself. He’d always had confidence issues over his Therian form, but after some time with Fuller it was something else altogether.”

“What kind of Therian was Fuller?”

Maddock hesitated before replying. “He was a lion Therian.”

Fucking fantastic. Ash ran a hand over his hair. Because lion Therians didn’t have a bad enough reputation as it was. Of all the Felid Therians, they were the ones who got the most shit, that they were lazy, possessive, chest-beating assholes and bullies who only got off their asses when it was to their benefit. Ash had heard it all. Had been hearing it all his life. Luckily he didn’t really give a shit what people thought, but lion Therians like Fuller didn’t help matters.

“Anyway, after Cael refused to press charges against Fuller, Dex and I kept an eye on the guy. Call it invasion of privacy or whatever the hell you want, but that’s my son, and I wasn’t about to let Fuller hurt him again. That’s when we realized what was really going on. The way Fuller talked to Cael? He made him feel like he was the only guy in the world, made him feel loved and happy. Then he would pull the rug out from under him and crush him. It went on and on. He’d convinced Cael he was the weakest of the Felids. How he was small and useless. How he wasn’t as smart as he thought he was. Then one day, Dex and Cael got into an argument. Dex threw his arms up in frustration, and Cael backed up against the wall. We’d been under the impression the black eye had been the first time Fuller had assaulted him. Cael swore left and right that Fuller had regretted it since and it had been the end of it. It was just the beginning.”

Ash jumped to his feet. “What?” His hands balled into fists, and he felt his vision sharpen, his fangs threatening to elongate. He had to get a grip.

“Sit down,” Maddock ordered quietly.

“How could you not know? You’re a fucking THIRDS agent. Dex was fucking HPF.”

A host of emotions flashed through Maddock’s eyes, and Ash backed off. It wasn’t his intention to give his sergeant such a hard time over something that had pained his family so deeply, but Ash was finding it difficult to swallow all this. He couldn’t get past someone hurting Cael and getting away with it. Reluctantly, he forced himself to sit.

“Cael was already training to be a THIRDS agent. He’d graduated top of his class. He’s smart. He grew up in a cop house. Which meant he knew what we’d look for, knew how to conceal the evidence. What to do, what to say. Cael really believed Fuller was helping him be stronger, tougher. We tried to get him away from Fuller, but he was blinded by what he believed Fuller felt for him. The way the guy got into his head, twisted everything Cael thought about himself, about us? It still makes me sick thinking about it.”

Ash was forced to close his eyes. He hung his head in an attempt to gather his thoughts and keep calm. He couldn’t think about Fuller, couldn’t think about Cael bruised and in pain at the hands of someone who was a worthless piece of shit. Compartmentalize. That’s what he had to do, what he’d been doing all his life. There was a reason Maddock was telling him all this. His eyes flew open, and his head shot up.

“You think I’d harm Cael?” He couldn’t help the hurt in his voice. “Because if you’re telling me that after twenty years of knowing me you think I’m capable of laying a hand on Cael to hurt him, then you can have my badge right now.”

“Relax. I know you wouldn’t, and I’m not comparing you to Fuller. Like I said, you’re a good guy, whereas Fuller thought he was. I needed you to know because you’re not the only one battling demons. Cael just has a different way of dealing with them. The last thing he needs is someone adding to that pain. It took years for Cael to undo some of the damage Fuller had caused, and even now he’s still healing. Some wounds may never heal. I’m telling you because even if you sort out all your shit, you need to know it won’t be easy with him. He puts on a brave front a good deal of the time. Like Dex, he’s an expert at evasive tactics. If he doesn’t want you to see or know something, he will do what it takes to keep you out of the loop, and that’s dangerous for everyone. There’s still a lot you don’t know about Cael. Believe me.”

Ash frowned. “I know everything about Cael.” Didn’t he?

“Oh? So you know about the panic attacks?”

“What panic attacks?” Damn. Ash sighed. “No.” In the five years he’d known Cael, not once had he seen Cael experiencing a panic attack. He’d had moments of panic but never suffered a panic attack. Was it possible he had at some point and kept it hidden from Ash? How much had Cael kept secret from him? How much of himself had Cael held back?

“It’s been years since he’s had them, but he used to get them all the time when he was with Fuller. Really bad ones. I thought you should know so you can be prepared.”

“Thanks.” A part of him wished he hadn’t been told any of this. He hated not having been around to protect Cael. But then he could hardly look out for someone he hadn’t met yet. He could protect Cael now, and he had every intention of doing so. Maddock sat pensively.

“What happened to Fuller? Please tell me he’s not still with the THIRDS.” The guy definitely wasn’t Unit Alpha, or Ash would have recognized the name. He’d never heard it before now. The THIRDS wouldn’t keep a guy like Fuller around.

Maddock shook his head. “He didn’t last very long. Failed one of his psych evals due to violent tendencies and unresponsiveness where empathy was required. Ironically, it was during a Therian domestic violence scenario. Must have hit too close to home, and I’m guessing he couldn’t fake his way through it. Especially since by this point, Cael had pressed charges.

“It was after Fuller put Cael in the hospital with a broken arm and a concussion. That wasn’t what got him to press charges, though. It was seeing Dex tackled to the floor by me and four of my agents when Fuller had the fucking nerve to show up at the hospital. If we hadn’t restrained Dex, who the hell knows what he would’ve done to Fuller. My guys got Fuller the hell out, and Cael managed to calm Dex down. Cael realized if he didn’t do something, his big brother would, and the end result would most likely be Dex throwing his career and maybe even his life away, all to protect him from Fuller. Cael wouldn’t let that happen. Fuller was charged with assault and battery. He failed his eval, was let go from the THIRDS, convicted of third-degree assault, and sentenced to a year in a Therian prison. That was years ago. Last I heard he was working construction in Carson City somewhere.”

“Good fucking riddance.” Ash took a sip of his drink. Though he would have preferred it if the guy had driven off a fucking cliff, he took comfort the guy had been sent to a Therian prison, or the Zoo, as some Therians referred to it. Locked away with the rest of the fucking animals. Maybe it was time to check up on Fuller and makes sure his ass was still in Carson City.

They sat in silence, each lost in his own thoughts when Maddock broke through the quiet. “Son, do you want to be with him?”

Ash nodded and tried to swallow past the lump in his throat from having Maddock call him son. Not even his own father had called him that. He’d called him a host of names but never that. Maddock had always been good to him, but did he really want his sergeant to know the truth? Sloane was the only one who knew about his past. What would Maddock think of him? Ash had never been very good with authority, which was ironic considering where he ended up. Respect was something to be earned. Anthony Maddock had gained it from day one. Even when they butted heads, Ash respected Maddock and strived to make him proud.