Against The Grain (THIRDS 5)

“I’d say he’s not worth it, but I don’t back down from a fight,” Fuller said, spitting out bloodied saliva.

“He’s worth more than you’ll ever be.”

“Wow. You have got it bad, my friend.” Fuller shrugged and wiped at his nose. “He’s a good fuck, but not that good.”

Cael wrapped his arms tighter around himself, his whole body wracked with shivers. The darkness was starting to close in, his vision growing blurry as he wheezed. He couldn’t breathe. He dropped to his knees and tried to get air into his lungs. Oh God, oh God, oh God…. “Ash….”

“CAEL!” ASH hurriedly removed his coat and threw it around Cael’s shoulders. “Cael, talk to me.” He tamped down his panic as Cael shook in his arms, his lips turning a purplish color and his eyes glazing over. “Tell me what you need. I’m here. You’re safe with me. You’re always safe with me.”

Cael clutched onto him, squeezing him and gasping for air. “I can’t….”

“Breathe. Come on.” Ash breathed in deep through his nose and let it out through his mouth, urging Cael to do the same. “That’s it, angel. Breathe. That’s it. Breathe with me. In and out. It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here. Nothing and no one’s going to touch you. I won’t let them.”

Cael let out a strangled noise, but he was breathing along with Ash. He craned his neck to see past Ash, looking for Fuller. Glancing over his shoulder, Ash was grateful to find Fuller was gone. Right now, Cael was what mattered. He turned his attention back to Cael and placed a hand to his cheek.

“Look at me. Sweetheart, look at me.”

Cael did, tears in his eyes.

“You’re safe with me. I won’t let anything happen to you. You believe me, right?”

A whispered “Yes” escaped, and Ash wanted to pull him close, but Cael was still struggling to breathe and compose himself. Instead he rubbed his thumb tenderly over Cael’s cheek. “Tell me what you need from me.”

“Home,” Cael let out shakily. “I want to go home.”

“Okay. Let’s go.” He helped Cael to his feet and tentatively moved Cael closer against him, relieved when Cael allowed it. Then he pulled the coat’s hood over Cael’s head to shield him from the cold and the crowd gathered on the sidewalk behind them. Cael snuggled closer.

“Is he okay?” someone called out.

“Yeah, thanks,” Ash said, hailing a cab a

s it drew near. He helped Cael inside, gave the driver Cael’s address, and pulled Cael close to him. Pushing back the hood, he kissed the top of Cael’s head. “It’s okay, angel. It’s okay.” Ash’s heart was pounding, and he felt Cael’s trembling down to his soul. What the hell is Fuller doing here? He put that thought aside and concentrated on Cael. Soon they were standing outside Cael’s apartment door. Cael fished his keys out of his jeans pocket and handed them to Ash, who opened the door and led him inside, then closed the door behind them. Without a word, Cael kicked off his shoes and made straight for the living room. He left Ash’s coat on the armchair, climbed up onto the plush gray couch, clutched one of the throw pillows to his chest, and drew his knees up. Minutes went by as Cael stared down at the fluffy pillow before burying his face against it and crying softly. It broke Ash’s heart.

Leaving his shoes on the mat by the door, Ash walked to the kitchen. He filled the kettle with water and set it to boil before opening a cabinet door and removing Cael’s favorite black mug with the words Talk nerdy to me in white letters stamped across it. He opened the drawer where Cael stored his boxes of teas and plucked out a chamomile one. A few minutes later he was crouched down in front of Cael and holding the cup of tea out to him.

“Chamomile with a little bit of lemon and honey, just the way you like it.”

“Thank you.” Cael slowly took the cup from him, his bottom lip quivering. He let out a heart-wrenching sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s no reason for you to apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I’m such an idiot. Overreacting like that. Making you take me home.”

“Hey. You had every right to feel the way you did. And you’re not an idiot. You’re the smartest guy I know. If you want to talk about it, I’m all ears. You know I’d never ever think of you as anything less than amazing, because you are.”

Cael shook his head. “I’m weak and pathetic.”

Ash hated to hear Cael talk about himself that way, especially since it wasn’t Cael talking but that son of a bitch, Fuller. “You’re strong. I know at times you might not feel it, but you are. Where would our team be without you? Where would I be without you?”

Cael smiled. “Back at the bar… I thought maybe I heard you say you were my boyfriend.”

Ash returned Cael’s smile. “You heard right. I’d like to be. If you still want me. I know it won’t be easy, and I still have a long way to go, but maybe you can help me? Help me be as strong and brave as you are.”

“Yes.” Cael put his tea down on the coffee table next to the couch before he threw himself into Ash’s arms. “Thank you.”

Ash held him close and ran a hand over Cael’s head. “No. Thank you. For showing me what it’s like to be loved.”

He held on to Cael and moved to the couch, taking Cael with him so he sat in Ash’s lap, cradled in his arms. Cael snuggled close, and Ash held him, soothing him, offering what comfort he could for as long as Cael needed it. Sometime later, Cael spoke up quietly.