Until Arden

“Well, I wouldn't be a very responsible babysitter if I'm drinking on the job.”

I blink and take a step backward. Is he really taking it this seriously?

“You know, you're kinda adorable when you don't know what to say.”

“Don't.” His words catch me off guard and I stiffen at the memories they conjure. “Don't call me that.”

“Sorry.” His brow furrows, but he shakes it off just as quickly. “I'll remember that.”

Why did I just snap at him like that? I rush out of the room, and toward the bar.

Janelle is at the sink, washing a stack of glasses when I pass by. I lean against the counter next to her. “You knew Dash would be part of this party, didn’t you?”

Her eyes widen. “Actually I didn’t. The reservation was for the Maysons, so I knew they’d have a few kids with them anyway, and probably be fine with it.”

I prepare Dash’s water and grab a kiddie cup with lemonade for Holden. My hands are shaking slightly, and now I’m annoyed with myself for being so nervous. “I’m never going to forgive you for this whole Dash thing, you know.”

“There’s a Dash thing now?” She hums, wiping her hands down the front of her apron. “You know when you told me he fixed your car, you never mentioned a thing.”

All I can do is grunt. Even now, I’m not sure what I meant by it. He’s just a guy who knows my name. He's always kind and charming, and my son likes him. That. That’s the thing unnerving me the most. I want Holden to have the kind of positive male role models in his life that I always wished for myself. I told myself that if I ever found a man like that for Holden, I’d take things slow, but I haven’t reached that stage yet. I’m still running scared.

I balance the drinks in my palm and grab an extra booster seat for Holden on my way back.

Back in the party room, Holden has already made himself at home next to Dash, and he’s showing off all the little cars he brought along. Holden points out each detail of each car and makes Dash tell him the make and model.

“You’re pretty good with him.”

Dash looks up at me with a wink. “I have my moments.”

“He’s not always the easiest to entertain.” I put the booster seat aside so I can set their drinks on the table.

“Yeah, I noticed that.” He takes a drink of his water. “But he’s really into cars. That I can handle.”

Better him than me where that topic is concerned. This situation still has me slightly uneasy, but with Leigh having to take off, I guess this is the best-case scenario. I lift Holden up and slide the booster under him and add a chair at the end of the tables. Since the room is still empty, I take a seat in the empty chair next to Dash, drawing his attention away from Holden.

“I'm sorry I snapped at you.”

He leans toward me, resting his forearm on the table while his eyes search my face. “You don't need to apologize. I struck a nerve and—”

“Not you so much as the word.” If he were just a little easier to hate, I wouldn't feel the need to explain myself.

I jump to my feet when another group enters the room, led by the man Dash had been drinking with a couple of weeks ago. He has a little girl in his arms, and an older boy walking next to him. The brunette behind him has a young toddler sleeping on her shoulder.

They all pause for a moment upon seeing Dash with Holden.

“Don’t tell me you kidnapped someone on the way here,” the man says.

Dash runs his hand over his beard a few times. “His mother is standing right there.”

The man smiles and nods in my direction. “Hello again.”

Dash gestures at each person in turn. “Arden, my boss, Talon. His wife, Mia. And their tiny hoard.”

I nod to each of them. “It’s nice to meet you guys.”

Talon pulls out a chair for Mia, then unloads the kids, putting an armload of items in the highchair.

Within fifteen minutes, the table is full, with two young kids choosing seats near Holden and the toddler between Mia and Talon. After serving their drinks and taking their orders, I checked on Holden one more time, reminding him to listen to Dash, but he was too wrapped up in showing off his cars to the older boy next to him. Bax joins a few minutes later, followed by three older men who Dash doesn’t get a chance to introduce.

Once I get all of their drinks, I check on Holden one last time, reminding him to listen to Dash, before heading to the kitchen with their food orders.

The lump in my stomach grows with every step I take. I can’t do this. I’m so wrapped up in my ideas of protecting Holden. Saving him from all the pain I’ve felt, I’m terrified of letting him spend time with someone who clearly makes him happy. These aren’t the feelings and fears I want to instill in him.