Jerk

I face Danny. “I don’t care about Elliot, okay? I never did. I don’t care about any of those guys at Denise’s party, either.”

“Yeah, I heard that much, too,” says Danny. “All of the guys whose hearts you broke. One hot night, then toss them aside like they meant nothing to you. I … I didn’t think you were like that, Romeo.”

“That’s because they don’t matter to me. I am only here for you, Danny. Why else do you think I underwent this transformation over the past year? I needed to see what life was like on the other side.”

“The other side??”

“Yeah. The type of guys you like. The Joeys of the world. I wanted to know what it’s like to be them. And now I know.” I take a step toward him. “Now I’m ready for you, Danny.”

“What??” He takes a step back. “This isn’t you, Romeo.”

The look in his eyes—a mixture of pity and anger—hits me like a sack of bricks over the face. I stop, confused by it. “What do you mean?”

“This … This isn’t what I want. Not at all. After Joey, I vowed to never put myself in a situation like that again.”

“But you were with him for two years.”

“Sure, it was great with him at first. Maybe it was even love. But then he became another person, an angry person, a jealous person … and I just settled for it, accepted it as my fate. When we broke up, only then did I realize the cage I’d locked myself in. I won’t go into that cage again, Romeo.”

“Danny …”

“Don’t you realize this is exactly why Joey and I aren’t together anymore? I don’t want a guy like that. I’ll never be with a guy like that again. I don’t want …” His eyes swell with tears. “I don’t want a jerk. You’re … You’re both the fucking same now, you and Joey.”

His words sting, scuttling across my skin like bitter ice, freezing me.

“The Romeo I knew,” he goes on, “he … he would never have acted like this. He wouldn’t have taken my heart and tossed it around like a game.”

“Danny …”

“He knew how to honor another man. And respect him. And treat him with dignity and loyalty and kindness.” He backs away completely from me, shaking his head. “I don’t know this Romeo. I don’t know you at all.”

“Of course you know me.” Is he kidding me right now?

A tear falls from Danny’s eye. He wipes it away instantly, like it was never there. “I’m not a prize to win. I’m not a game, Romeo.”

“I know that.”

“Do you?” He comes back up to me, bringing his beautiful face close to mine, but nothing about it feels warm or deserved. “Remember what I told you that night long ago? I said you needed to love that man in the mirror before you can expect anyone to give you their heart. I said it and I truly meant it.” His eyes drop to my chest. “You need to look into that mirror again.”

Something wet touches my hair. Raindrops.

Then more.

Then even more.

In a matter of seconds, the street is filled with the noisy music of a rain shower.

Danny meets my eyes. There is only hurt in them. “No matter how I feel about you, Romeo … I’m not making this same mistake again.”

He turns and walks away.

And for whatever stupid reason, I don’t follow him. Does some part of me think he’s right? Is that why his words paralyzed me so effectively, I can’t fucking move? I just stand here with my own confused heart in my hand, pumping, lonely, lost, as the night sky opens over me in buckets of mockery.

18. Jerk

It’s immediately after Danny leaves me on the street that I hear a voice from behind through the torrent of rain. “Sorry, sir.”

I turn around.

Tim stands there.

I’m confused for a second. “Didn’t you just leave in the—?”

“Cab? No. Despite Elliot being one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever met—and so powerful and demanding—I don’t think he’s into me. He was only there for you. Besides, no ball-gags or leather harnesses at his place? He has a lot to learn if he wants to handle all of this someday.” He comes up to me. “Are you going to go after him? Your Danny guy?”

I lean against the brick wall of the nearest building, slightly out of the rain. It’s cold and rough against my back. “No.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I could tell you had feelings for him.”

I look at Tim. “Really?”

“Of course. It was obvious. Why do you think Elliot was trying so hard? He wanted to pull your focus away from Danny. I can see the appeal, though.”

“The appeal?”

“Of a genuine guy like Danny.” He shakes his head. “You should’ve been nicer to him, sir. You should’ve just been yourself. I know the real you, too. I met him in a movie theater.”