Bitter

Prologue

Seven Years Ago

Numb. I feel numb. I should be sad. Angry. Something. Anything. I’m not though. I feel nothing.

I haven’t heard from Dan since I handed back my engagement ring. He just left. He didn’t even question it. There was zero fight in him. I wasn’t exactly expecting him to come crawling back begging with flowers in hand, but I thought maybe he’d at least try to send a text or something.

This is one of the reasons why I broke off the engagement in the first place. He never put any effort into our relationship. It was like we stayed together just because we’ve always been together. I don’t even know why he proposed honestly. He obviously didn’t mean it.

My chest constricts as I think back to that day. He took me to a flower garden where he was going to propose, but he chickened out. It was a nice enough date, but he was acting nervous and awkward the whole time. He drove us to some park right in the middle of the bad part of downtown after because he didn’t have a backup plan.

I could tell by the way he was acting funny that he was going to ask. I closed my eyes and prayed he didn’t. Not like this. This moment was supposed to be special. I could tell he didn’t really want to do it, but I said yes anyway. I thought I loved him. I did love him.

It’s a weird concept loving someone who doesn’t feel as strongly about you. On one hand, my whole heart loved him, but on the other, could I really love someone that way if they weren’t even sure about me? I still go back and forth about how I feel about it.

I tried to make it work, but the closer it got to the wedding, the further apart we became. When I finally decided to talk to him about it, I gave the ring back and said it was too soon. I don’t know what I thought was going to happen. I guess I figured he’d try to work it out with me. That we’d date for a while longer until he was more sure he wanted to marry me, but none of that happened. He just sighed and walked out. I haven’t heard from him since he left yesterday.

I stare back at my phone again. Dan changed his relationship status to Single.

The comments are flooding below asking what happened. We’ve been together for the past four years. We started dating when I first started highschool. I see he replied to one of the comments saying he didn’t see it coming. Finally I feel something. Anger. Fucking anger.

He’s really trying to blame me for this?

Once I let myself feel that emotion, the rest come flooding back, overwhelming me. I gasp for air over and over, but I can’t seem to catch my breath. I grab my legs and fold them up to my chest on my bed. I feel the tears pool in my eyes, and then they come pouring down.

Why wasn’t I good enough for him? Why didn’t he fight for us? Why didn’t he fight for me?

Why didn’t he love me?

I hear someone coming downstairs to my room, so I quickly wipe away my tears and try to turn off my emotions again. My mom comes bursting through the door a couple seconds later.

“Wren! What is this? Why didn’t you tell me you and Dan broke up?” she yells.

I try to shrug it off. “I didn’t think he was going to post that online.”

“What happened? Were you arguing with him again?” she screams.

I feel my heart sink. I don’t know why I thought she would take my side on this. She never has on anything before. I try to get out of the conversation again. “He didn’t really want to get married,” I whisper down to my lap.

My mom throws her hands up. “Well, of course not! Not with the way you are always starting fights with him. No one is ever going to want to be with you if you act that way! No guy wants a girl who is constantly arguing with him.”

I lean back against the wall, completely deflated. I feel like a hole was blown straight through my chest. I know if I don’t get it under control now, I’m going to break down, so I take a deep breath and then go completely numb again.

She continues to yell for a while until I finally whisper, “Can I just be alone now, please?”

She purses her lips and then reluctantly walks back out of my room. I lay down on my back and stare up at the ceiling. I feel nothingness again. Empty. Alone.

The only thing I know for sure is that I can’t stay here at my parents house anymore. I don’t care what I have to do. I need to get out of here.