Bitter

Chapter 1

Present Time

I hear whispers from the kitchen as I sit on the couch, staring blankly at the wall in front of me. I pretend I can’t hear them even though they are hardly trying to keep it down. The whole house is filled with people. I don’t know why they all had to come over after the funeral.

“I think she’s in shock,” one lady says.

“Poor girl. What’s she going to do now?” another one asks.

“It’s awful really. And at such a young age.”

I swallow hard and clench my hands into fists. I don’t know what to feel right now. I hope I can keep up this shocked facade for now so they can’t see through how angry I really am.

How can this be happening to me?

“Hi sweetie.” My mother-in-law touches my shoulder before sitting down next to me. “You doing okay?” she asks.

She’s been surprisingly nice to me. It was always a struggle being married to a momma’s boy. I could never live up to her expectations. She never thought I was good enough for Jake. Maybe I make her feel connected to him though now that he’s gone.

Or maybe she’s angry at me because I am not crying for her beloved son in front of all of her friends and family.

I give her a half smile. “Not really.”

She leans over and wraps her arms around me. “Oh, honey. I know.”

I feel her body start to shake around me as she begins to cry, and I want nothing more than for her and everyone else to be gone. I can’t handle this right now. Not after everything that happened.

I never told them what went down between Jake and I since I wasn’t close with them, and I never expected this to happen. They probably wouldn’t believe me if I told them now. What’s the point anyway? He’s gone.

Gone.

Oh God! How is he gone? How could he do this to me on top of everything else?

Three Months Ago

I hear Jake walk in the house while I’m stirring the pasta sauce for dinner. I’m making his favorite, chicken parmesan. He’s home late again. It feels like I barely ever see him anymore. Maybe it’s because I am lonely being home all day with not much to do. Jake doesn’t let me work. He says he wants me to stay home and take care of the house.

That's why I started making dinner an hour ago. It’s easy enough for me to make everything from scratch since I have nothing else to do. There’s only so much you can clean and shop for before you start going crazy. I like cooking though. Grab a glass of wine. Turn on my favorite music. It feels like I am creating a masterpiece, especially when Jake likes it. It’s the one thing I can seem to get right.

I met Jake a year after Dan and I broke up. I was waitressing at a local restaurant to save enough money to move out of my parents house when he came in one afternoon with some of his friends. I am not sure if it was a dare or if he was trying to impress his buddies, but one thing led to another and I agreed to go out with him.

I fell for him pretty much right away. He made me feel so alive again. I’d get excited every time I’d see his name pop up on my phone. I’m not sure if my breakup with Dan made me jump into the relationship with Jake right away or if it was just because Jake was so charming.

He was definitely a smooth talker. His swoon worthy smile, with dimples and all, made any girl fall. I just happened to be the lucky girl he was smiling at. His blonde hair was longer when we first met. Now he keeps it shorter. It was the way those blue eyes would sparkle at me though that made me crush so hard. They twinkled when he was looking at me.

He’d just graduated business school and was starting work at some investment firm that many of his family members worked at. After a couple years of dating, the next natural step was to get married.

Things were great at first. I finally belonged somewhere. I didn’t mind staying home and taking care of the house. We bought it together after a year of being married, so there was a time when I was busier because I was able to decorate each room. I felt like I had a purpose, and I had someone to trust to take care of me.

It didn’t stay that way forever though. Things started to change, especially this past year. He’s been coming home really late from work, which I never complain about because he’ll start yelling at me. He always responds by saying how he has to provide for the family since I don’t work.

How is that my fault though? I offered to get a job, but every time he says no.

It bothers me when he says family. We don’t feel like a family. I told him multiple times that we should try to get pregnant, but he always says he’s not ready yet. He even has an alarm set on his phone so that I don’t miss taking my birth control pill. He never lets me forget.

I sigh. Geez, I sound like a fucking bitch. What do I have to complain about? I have a handsome husband that takes care of me. I don’t have to work. I should be grateful.

Jake comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. “Smells amazing.”

I smile. “About ten more minutes. Go change and it will be ready.”

Instead of leaving, he pulls me closer and starts kissing on my neck and shoulder. His hand reaches down and grabs me between my legs. I try to push him back. “Jake...” I protest.

He doesn’t stop, so I twist away from him. “Jake, I have to finish this.”

He looks at me angry. “You always fucking do this.”

My heart drops immediately. “The sauce will burn.”

He rolls his eyes, irritated. “Don’t make this about the fucking sauce, Wren.”