Chapter 4
I heard Jake this morning. My eyes were still closed, but I could hear him in the shower. I let myself have a few more minutes of rest before I woke up for the day, but half awake I heard him turn off the water and walk into the kitchen. I should get up. I should make him breakfast before he leaves for work.
I drift back off into a deeper state of sleep, but I am jolted awake when I feel him come kiss me good morning. I gasp for breath as my eyes shoot open. I grasp the covers as my chest heaves up and down. Then I burst into tears as reality settles back in. I didn’t hear Jake. It was just Reed. Jake’s gone.
After I get myself under control, I slowly walk over to our once shared closet. I already donated most of his clothes, but I kept a few things for myself. I don’t know if that’s weird or not considering we weren’t even together when he died, but I don’t care.
I grab my favorite hoodie of his and throw it on. He didn’t wear casual clothes often since he was always working or trying to impress someone or other, but that’s why this one is my favorite. It reminds me of those times when it was just him and me in the house together. The hoodie falls down to almost my knees, and my hands don’t even reach the holes. It smells like him still.
I sit back down on the bed, and I wrap my arms around myself. The tears start flowing again, and I can’t stop them. I haven’t cried over him in a while, so I don’t know why it is hitting me so hard again. It’s not even that I miss him. I wouldn’t want him back if he were still alive, but I miss what I thought we used to be. I feel completely lost now. Everything feels so meaningless.
There’s a light knock on my bedroom door. “Wren?” I hear Reed ask through the closed door. “Is everything okay?”
I sniffle again and try to wipe my face with the sleeve. “Yeah!” I call out, but my voice cracks.
The door flies open, and I quickly turn so he doesn’t see my face. “What are you doing?” I cry.
He doesn’t seem to care that he barged into my room without being invited in. “What’s going on?” he asks.
I turn to look at him, and his face completely drops when he sees my face. “Ah, fuck Wren.”
He plops down next to me, and then his arms are wrapping around me. The moment I feel them, I turn and shove my face into his chest and burst into tears again. “Shh...It’s okay,” he whispers as he rubs his hand up and down my back.
I gasp for air in between cries. “Why did he do this to me?” I ask more to the universe than to Reed.
He pulls me in tighter. “I know. I know,” he whispers.
He pulls back when I calm down a little, but I don’t want him to let go. He lifts my chin and wipes away the tears on my face. “Let’s get you out of the house.”
“Hm?” I ask as I lean my head back against his chest. I don’t want to leave the house. I want to just be held in this bed for the rest of the day.
Reed doesn’t seem to care. “C’mon,” he says as he pulls me up. “We need to go grocery shopping.”
I grumble. “Fine, but I’m not taking this off.” I hold up the arm of the oversized sweatshirt.
He lets out a small laugh. “Fine, but put on pants. It’s too long. You can’t even see your shorts.”
I cock an eyebrow. “That’s because I’m not wearing any.”
Reed’s eyes open wide, and his eyebrows shoot up. He quickly turns away like knowing that I don’t have shorts on somehow makes me more indecent than when he didn’t know. “Pants, Wren! Pants were one of the rules!”
I finally smile. “You’re the one who barged in here without being invited. I don’t sleep with shorts. Not changing that.”
He lets out a sigh and walks toward the door. “Hurry up and get dressed. We’ll leave in twenty minutes.”
We walk into the grocery store thirty minutes later, and I glance over at Reed then back down at myself. He looks all put together while I look like a total mess. I grab the shopping cart and lean my whole body against it as we walk. “Are you embarrassed to be seen with me like this?” I ask jokingly.
Reed raises an eyebrow at me but doesn’t laugh. “Like what?”
“You know…” I trail off. I motion toward my outfit of baggy sweatshirt with leggings.
He looks even more confused. “I don’t understand. Do you usually dress up to run errands?”
I shrug and look back down at the ground as we walk toward the produce. I never went out of the house with Jake in sweats or leggings. He’d always tell me to go change before we went out anywhere. He always wanted to present this image of a perfect couple. I guess he did a good job since I even believed it myself.
I sulk to myself again as I squeeze some avocados to find the ripeness I want. I hear Reed laugh from a few feet away, so I turn to look at him. His smile snaps me out of my sad mood. That is until I see what he is smiling at.
Some pretty little blonde woman is laughing at something Reed said. I don’t know why, but I have an absolutely disgusted look on my face. Not that it matters because Reed hasn’t taken his eyes off the woman the whole time. He looks all happy and carefree, and well, we can’t have that. Not while I’m feeling like this.
I walk up to him and stand a little too close. “You want tacos tonight?” I ask.
“Huh?” Reed asks as he turns to me and then back to the girl.
It’s too late though because I already smiled at her like this is my man. Back the fuck off. She is already halfway to the other side of the store when Reed turns back to me. “What the fuck, Wren!”
“What?” I ask, trying to deny I did anything wrong.