“Jax, I don’t feel that way at all. I don’t at all think of you as a dirty secret, I can’t even believe you would think that way.” He stops at a light and turns to look at me.
“I realize that you don’t want our relationship to hurt your career, but fuck, how are we supposed to make it work if you are hiding it?” I twist my hands together, looking down at my lap.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m not embarrassed to be with you, shit, have you seen yourself? I just don’t want to be judged.” He shakes his head and takes off way too quickly when the light changes.
“You’ll always be judged, I’ll always be judged. When you are in the spotlight, that is what happens. You need to learn how to deal with it because this doesn’t stand a fucking chance if you don’t.” I know he’s right, but I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want people thinking I fuck my models.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. It is something I need to work on.” He glances at me, and I already see the change.
“Look, I know this isn’t easy. You broke all your rules for me; without trying to sound conceited, I’m popular. I understand you being nervous, but you can’t say you love me and then act like we are only friends when people are around. I don’t work that way. I already told you, what we have is not like the fucking around the rest of them do.” He blows out a breath, and I reach over, resting my hand on his leg. He looks down at it before looking over at me.
“I get it, alright. It was fucked up of me, and it’s something that I need to work on. I’m sorry I made you feel like shit, it was not my intention. You’re right, it’s not easy for me, not when I’ve believed one thing for so long, but I won’t do that again. I do love you, and I never want to do something to hurt you.” He brings down his hand and links our fingers together.
“I love you too, baby. I just don’t want anything to stand in our way because it’s going to come out, and when it does, I want you to be able to hold your head high and say fuck you, we are in love. I’ll tell you right now, that’s what I’ll be doing.” I smile and look at him, hoping that it is a long way down the road before that happens.
After the shoot and the argument, Jax showed me just how much he loves me, a few times and once this morning. He left to go to the gym before getting ready for his guys’ night out. I got ahold of Brinley, and we made plans for the girls to come hang out here for a few hours for some food and drinks. That’s what we are doing now, getting drunk. “Kallie, come on, give us just a little something.” Right, and they are all trying to get me to talk about sex with Jax.
“Alright, alright.” They all turn to me with smiles on their faces. I get a huge smile and giggle a little. “You bitches should be jealous, that’s all I’m saying.” They all moan, and I am hit with a few pillows while I crawl in a ball to avoid it all, laughing.
“Shit, we really need to head out, guys. I have a shoot in the morning.” Damn, I hate for them to leave; we were having such a good time. It’s been way too long since we all hung out like this. I understand though, we all have such busy lives. They all toss back the rest of their drinks while Nora calls a cab to come get them.
“I had a great time tonight. We definitely need to do this again, soon.” Jackie puts her arm around me, and I lay my head on her shoulder.
“We definitely need to get together more. I miss you guys, but tonight was fucking awesome. Hopefully I’ll be able to get a booty call in too.” I laugh at Nora and lo
ok over at Brinley. She shakes her head, letting me know she hasn’t been with anyone, and I smile.
Once they all leave, I change out of my clothes and climb into bed in just my bra and panties. I can’t even be bothered to get my pajamas on. I’m tired and pretty drunk. I lie down and check my phone to see if Jax texted me. Nothing. I’ll admit I was hoping to hear from him at some point. I talked to him before he left, and I even texted him a picture earlier, but nothing back. I put my phone on my nightstand and roll onto my side. My bed definitely feels empty without him. I reach out, feeling the empty spot, and fall asleep shortly after.
I wake up to my phone ringing. I look at the time and see it is only six in the morning. I groan and feel around for my phone. When I find it, I hit talk. “Hello?” My voice is groggy with sleep so I clear my throat.
“Damn it, Kallie. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.” I sit up quickly and realize I’m still in bed alone.
“Jax? What’s wrong?” He blows out a breath, and my heart starts pounding in my chest.
“Baby, it’s time to say fuck you.” I feel like the wind is knocked out of me. Oh God, no. I kick the covers off me and rush to my computer. It doesn’t occur to me to even check my phone, I’m so nervous. “Kallie, you alright?” I’m breathing heavily while the computer loads.
“I don’t know.” I’m sure that’s not what he wants to hear, but I honestly don’t know. I sign into Facebook, and it is all over. Pictures of Jax and me at the club, kissing, when he picked me up on the dance floor, when we leave holding hands. Pictures of us out to dinner, pictures of just Jax, just me. Comment after comment. ‘No wonder Kallie Gregory gets all the good models, she fucks them.’ ‘Jax Burke has lowered his standards.’ ‘Photographer using sex to land big models.’ I see I have seventy-two inbox messages, and I’m terrified to look at my email.
“Kallie, baby? Talk to me.” I feel my stomach turning, the comments, the photos, and I just let the phone slip out of my hand and smash to the floor. This is it. This is my biggest fear. Nothing will ever be the same. I’m finished.
AS SOON AS I GOT home last night, I had every intention of taking a cab to Kallie’s. I decided to go for a smoke first, and that’s when Blake and Max came outside telling me I had better check Facebook. As soon as I pull it up and see the pictures of Kallie and me, I know she’s going to freak out. “Fuck.” I don’t even bother checking anything else. I close it and call her. It’s late, after three in the morning, but I don’t care. It keeps ringing and goes to voice mail. I don’t know if she’s ignoring me or sleeping. I call her over and over, never getting an answer. I wanted to drive over and pound on her door, but I figured I should wait.
“Jax, it’s going to be fine, brother.” I look at Blake and light another cigarette.
“I know that, you know that, Kallie is not going to know that. She’s been dreading this, and now that it is happening, I don’t know what the fuck will happen.” I keep calling her and nothing. She texted me earlier, I should have fucking looked at my phone then.
“You know she’s probably sleeping. You are getting all worked up for nothing. Maybe she won’t even care.” I don’t even look at Max. I open Facebook back up and start reading. The comments are fucking horrible. They are all making her out to be a slut, sleeping with all her models.
“Yea, you know what, Max, after she reads this shit, she won’t care.” I can’t stop looking now. Pictures of us in the club, out to dinner, and even ones from tonight out with the guys. Those are the best, people saying she dumped me, and I was out looking to mend my heart. Unfuckingreal.
Max and Blake stayed with me all night until I finally got a hold of her. They went inside, and I tried breaking it to her as lightly as possible. I could hear it in her voice, the fear, but I stayed on while she looked at it all. I heard the sound of the phone hitting the floor, and my heart sank.
That was three hours ago. I’ve been trying to get a hold of her since with no luck. I’m minutes away from driving over there, but to be honest, I’m still buzzed. I haven’t slept yet, and it is making it worse. I’ve smoked almost a pack of cigarettes and been pacing the patio. Blake comes out and hands me a cup of coffee. “Thanks.” I take a sip, willing it to sober me up.
“No luck getting a hold of her?” I shake my head and sit down next to him. “Why don’t you let me take you over there? I won’t come in. I’ll wait in the car. She probably needs you right now. I sure as fuck know you need her.” This is why he’s my best friend. He’s not always the douche bag he acts like he is.
“I just need to shower.” I get up and head to the door. I look back at him drinking his coffee and grin. “Blake.” He turns his head. “Thanks.” He nods, and I go to take a quick shower.