Light Me Up

SARA

After much argument,Theo dropped me off at The Witch’s Brew instead of bringing me to work with him like I was some child he needed to babysit.

Landry had opened the shop but she was by herself and I wasn’t about to let her work that way until the mid-shifters arrived. He wasn’t exactly thrilled about me going back there, but it was my second home. Mine.

I couldn’t just avoid it and I wasn’t about to let someone take it away from me. So I closed my eyes and did a little meditation as he drove. It helped to calm me and I felt ready to return. I prepared myself for some kind of snarky ridicule from Theo, but none came. It wasn’t until I opened my eyes after some time that I realized he’d been driving in circles.

“What are you doing?”

“Giving you more time. I figured you could use it and I didn’t want to interrupt.”

Another crack formed in the wall around my heart. Theo was chiseling away at it without even realizing. The way he held me as I cried last night, and then again as I slept. His arms brought a soothing comfort that surprised me. It was like I hadn’t noticed how tight my chest was with the trauma of the past. And being wrapped in his arms took it all away. I felt lighter, free.

And he had listened to me so patiently. He didn’t rush me, didn’t try to talk over me, or give platitudes like some people did with uncomfortable stories. He just listened and let me get it all out. It was the first time I’d actually done that. And it made me realize, as far as I’ve come, I still had so much trauma about that experience that I’d never processed.

Maybe I would look into therapy. I didn’t want it hanging over my head forever. But that was for another day. Right now, I steeled myself in order to enter the kitchen.

I pushed through the swinging door and noted that it looked like it did every other day. The police had taken the tongue and envelope as evidence. Someone had picked up the other mail that I’d dropped.

The scent of scones and cookies wafted through the air, and a baking rack to the right showed off all the work Landry had done that morning. I made a mental note to give her a raise. I put my bag on the desk and grabbed an apron, slipping it over my head and tying it in the back. It helped to go through these practiced moments. The things I did every day, the little motions that made up my life.

When I returned to the front, there was a larger than usual crowd for a weekday at ten a.m. but I’d been here long enough to not be surprised one bit. Small towns and big ears. People loved gossip and scandal, even the potentially dangerous kind. But I’d been through worse. So I pushed my shoulders back and got to work.

I brewed tea, made lattes, plated pastries, and exchanged small talk with customers as they ordered. It all felt so normal and in turn, I felt calmed by it. Until the bell over the door rang and I looked up to see Lucas walk in. Awkward.

I could have pretended to be busy, but Landry was in the back doing dishes and I made direct eye contact with him as I stood at the register, clearly not doing anything important at the moment.

“Hey Sara.”

I plastered on a smile, and had the good manners to make it look at least a little contrite.

“Hi Lucas. How’s it going?”

He looked around the shop, taking in the atmosphere. What was he even doing here? Had I really made that much of an impression on him? Modern dating was weird. I kind of figured he’d just forget about me, maybe latch on to someone else at the party or call it a night and try again at the next social event.

“Just fine, just fine. I’m heading back to Portland soon so I wanted to stop in and try out your coffee.”

“Oh, how nice. We have a really great arabica from Brazil. It’s fair trade.” My cheeks hurt from smiling so wide.

“That sounds great. I’ll take a cup.”

“Wonderful.” Was my voice always this shrill? I grabbed a cup and saucer and filled it up for him.

“Thanks.” He handed me a five and pointed to the tip jar when I started to give him change.

“Oh, thank you.”

He didn’t leave the counter but there was no one in line behind him, forcing me to stand there awkwardly staring at him. He nodded at something and then leaned forward to speak quietly.

“I uh, also wanted to apologize if I did anything wrong the other night.”

“Oh, no, you didn’t. Not at all.”

“Because you kinda disappeared there.”

“You’re right. I uh, I did.”

“I had the feeling you were into this,” he said, pointing between the two of us.

My chest deflated with a graceless laugh. I had no issue letting guys down easy. Or even rudely. I didn’t understand what was making this so difficult for me, other than the fact that Theo was involved and that made everything murky. But I could put on my big girl pants and do this thing. I looked him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry, Lucas. I didn’t mean to disappear on you, it’s just, something came up.”

“Right. Okay, as long as that’s the case. I heard you maybe went home with some guy.”

Now that took me by surprise. Who would he have heard that from? Did he see or hear more in the garage that night than we realized? And why was he even asking? Like he has any right to know about my private life? Ugh, men.

“Well, I didn’t, I went home to my cat. But if I did, it would have nothing to do with you,” I said with a sickeningly sweet smile, and left it up to him to decide whether I meant that as a consolation or an insult.

He just looked at me for another few long moments, and then laughed.

“Right. I’m just glad I didn’t do anything to annoy you or something.” Like now?

I smiled, and waited for him to leave. Instead, he took a slow sip of the coffee.

“Wow you’re right. It’s delicious.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you think so.”

“I also think maybe we should try this for real. How about you let me take you out this weekend?

I would rather tar and feather myself.

“Ah thank you—for that lovely invitation.” I didn’t know if I was actually being an entitled jerk or if I was imagining it. So I tried to be nice. “But I think I’m going to have to pass. I have a lot going on right now. Sorry, Lucas.”

He bobbed his head for a few moments, then smiled wide.