Homeless Heart

"A few years ago, I got a detective to find him and her. She's in San Francisco, married a good guy, had more kids, and her husband raised my son as his own. The kid seemed pretty happy, good grades, sports, the whole American dream. He didn't need a bike riding, bar owner barely getting by to ruin his perfect life." He stopped again and turned around. This time he just leaned both his hands against the bar and cleared his throat. A few minutes went by before he turned around and wiped his face. "The pictures of him told me he'd got my height and hair color; the rest was all his momma." Looking off past me. "He had her light too. I saw it in his eyes. The ability to always see good."

"Your son, how old is he?" I said in a whisper. I was blown away, but Duke's wasn't the story I was expecting to hear when I sat down. This big man had found his one true love and had given her up. I wondered if I'd ever have that kind of love with someone. A deep connection that only one person had with another, I had a hard time imagining it.

"He'll be twenty-six his next birthday."

Unsure what to say next, we sat in silence for a long time. Duke finally broke the silence. "Kid, if you ever find the one, don't let her go. Don't be a jackass like me. There won't always be another one." He shook his head, cleaning the bar again. "Trust me."

Taking a long drink of my Coke, I said, "Thanks for telling me your story." I almost made a joke but thought better of it. This big man had shared an essential part of his life with me. I couldn't mock or shame him for it.

Duke laughed and started to clean the bar again.

"I feel like I will never know how to love someone when I do find the right person. You know what my parents were like; I've told you the stories. They never hugged me; they never told me they were proud of me, nothing. How will I know how to do that to someone else?" My emotions rose to the surface, quickly unable to hold back my tears. I'd never said that to another person or admitted that to myself. Rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands. "Fuck!" This hangover is a bitch!

While I tried to compose myself, Duke came around the bar and pulled me up to my feet and gave me a warm bear hug. He smacked my back and leaned back to look me in the eye. "Phin, I am proud of you. I'd be lucky to call you my son."

I tried not to cry.

"Fuck, big guy!" I gave him another hug, despite the fact he might knee me in the balls for my display of affection.

He pulled back and smiled at me. His eyes were warm, and so was his smile. "You tell anyone of our tampon commercial moment, and I’ll throw you in the sushi dumpster from hell."

I knew that wasn't an empty threat; I held up my hands in surrender. "Big guy, I'd be proud if you were my dad."

Duke tousled my hair, then headed back toward the bar, wiping the tears off his face that I wasn't supposed to see. With a self-satisfied smile, I sat back on the barstool.

"What's happening with the Giants?" It was time to lighten the mood. Despite being in LA, he'd never given up on the Giants.

He laughed and told me all about what was happening in the world of baseball. I listened intently and asked questions. We were like any other father and son talking about their favorite team. Despite my hangover, for the rest of the day we worked together like two people who shared DNA.

Later on, eating a massive burger I made for myself, I sat smugly smiling and thought, best birthday ever!