Homeless Heart

Chapter 29

Phin

My stomach growling woke me up from my slumber. Lizzie was out cold, so I peeled myself from her arms and took a long hot shower. The hot water relaxed me and staved off my constant need for Lizzie. We couldn't be in bed together without me wanting to be inside her. The fact that she'd let me in and told me I could stay forever meant so much to me. I loved taking care of her, and I would show her I will always take care of her no matter what. She could trust me.

After the shower, I wandered around looking for things to clean while trying to tamp down some of my residual anxiety. The house was reasonably neat since we'd been gone most of the day and spent the rest of the evening in bed. I put a few things away and found some papers Lizzie would need in the morning. As I pushed them into her work bag, I noticed a folder with my name on it and pulled it out to inspect the contents.

I couldn't believe my eyes; there was a whole file on me. Lizzie had been looking into my past, even though I'd asked her to let it go. There were all the news clippings of me when I went missing. My parent's charity work on behalf of runaways and background on my parents. There were papers full of information on my dad's companies. I couldn't believe she found this all out on the Internet. Maybe that's what she'd been doing each morning while she was working. I assumed she was answering work email. How could she after I asked her not to?

Reviewing this information broke my heart; I couldn't stay here now. I was overwhelmed with the fear of Lizzie contacting my parents. All the trust I had in her was destroyed in that one second.

I panicked; my heart was beating hard against my chest. Standing here trying to keep my feelings in check, but all I felt was anger and betrayal—the irrational fear of seeing my father overruled any rational thinking. I couldn't face my father, and all the demons of that relationship flooded back into my mind. I'd been through too much to be denied my inheritance and freedom. My entire body was back in survival mode, and all my confidence was shot in just a few minutes.

"Fuck!" Lizzie didn't let this go. I hadn't cried in a long time, but a tear ran down my cheek. Maybe I didn't deserve to be loved? I couldn't even think about that now. I had to go, and I couldn't say goodbye. If I went now while she was sleeping, she wouldn't know. I'd promised her I wouldn't leave, but she didn't understand there was more at stake than my promise to her. Quietly, I went up and got the little bit of my stuff, having left the file on the table with no note.

I opened the door to go out into the cold night, knowing that this might have been my home. Maybe I should stay and talk to her about it, confess it all, see if she could help me. The irrational part of my brain that always told me to flee had won out.

Gathering my thoughts, I headed out into the chill and the sting of the night brought it all back to reality for me. My broken heart now felt like I was forever homeless, and hope was for everyone else. Taking a deep breath, I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to find the resolve needed to make the best of the next nine months on the streets. Alone.

Lizzie

The house was dark and quiet when I finally woke up. I looked at the clock, and it said 9:08 p.m. I sleepily scrubbed my face and rolled out of bed. The house was unusually quiet, and I had an uneasy feeling as I'd never napped this long. I walked down the hall, hoping that Phin had fallen asleep on the sofa.

The realization that something was wrong made my heart beat faster with no sign of Phin. Looking around the house, I noticed the file that Hope had given me on the table, and I covered my mouth in shock. I'd meant to talk to him about it, but we'd had such a good time it had slipped my mind. I knew he didn't want me snooping in his past, but I couldn't stop Hope from doing it. Looking through the file, I never thought he would leave me because of it.

I ran into my bedroom and looked for his stuff, but everything was gone. After everything we'd promised each other, he'd just left. He'd left without a single word. To say I was devastated was an understatement. My legs buckled, and I crumbled onto the sofa as my emotions volleyed between despair and anger.

My hands trembled as I tried to call his cell phone and heard it ring on the coffee table. He'd left the phone behind so I couldn't contact him. As the reality of being unable to contact him hit me, I sobbed.

I was alone again. The crying wouldn't stop, and my entire body became numb. I couldn't go back to bed because it smelled like Phin, so I stayed on the sofa and sobbed until I fell asleep.

The sun was coming through the closed blinds when I finally woke up again. Looking at the clock, it was after ten on Monday morning. I realized I needed to get to work but didn't have the strength even to call the office and tell them I was under the weather. Eventually, I managed to shoot off a text to my boss saying I had gotten a cold and wasn't well and I'd be out the rest of the week. Missing work wasn't a big deal this time of year, so I didn't feel guilty about it. My boss knew how hard I had worked on the event, so he'd gladly let me have another week off if I asked for it. Keeping Hope in the dark was another story. Lucky for me, she was a germaphobe, and if I were sick, she would stay away for a few days.

I pulled myself off the sofa and went to my bedroom, where I hunkered in for all the pain that was heading my way. Lying in bed smelling Phin on the sheets gave me cold comfort, but I still couldn't move. The realization he was gone kept crashing into me and opening up a wound deep in my heart.

I spent the rest of the week crying and sleeping. I had only ever felt this level of despair when I'd miscarried. When that happened, my mother insisted I stay with them so she could take care of me and I let her. I couldn't go to them now; I didn't want to admit that he was gone. I didn't want them to hate Phin either because I didn't think I could ever hate him.

Hope had been texting me relentlessly to see if I needed chicken soup. The days all blurred together. I hadn't showered or eaten much during the week.

By Friday, the doorbell rang, and I wasn't sure what I was hearing. The bell went off again; thinking it might be Phin, I dashed to the door. When I flung it open, my heart plummeted when I realized it was Hope. She had a smile on her face and a paper bag in her hand. Her smile quickly disappeared when she saw my face fall. I walked back to the sofa without a word.

"Don't say hello or anything," said Hope as she followed me into the house.

I went back to my Elizabeth shaped spot on the sofa that I hadn't left in days. Hope walked in and inspected my messy apartment.

"I know you're sick, but this place looks like a bomb exploded." She put the bag down on the magazine strewn coffee table in front of the sofa. "I brought you some soup. When was the last time you ate?"

"Don't know, not hungry."

"Where's Phin?"

I looked away, unable to lie to her now that she was sitting here. "Phin's gone."

Hope gasped. "What happened?"

"He found the file you made." I didn't want to be mad at Hope because of the file. She was only looking out for me. I was doing my best to avoid crying again, and I wasn't sure my tear ducts were working any longer. I looked over at Hope, who was also on the verge of tears.

"God, Elizabeth, I am so sorry I thought it would help."