Homeless Heart

I put my hand on her knee.

"I know, it's fine. He wouldn’t stay." Hope looked at me in disbelief.

"I don't buy it. I broke this, and I will fix it."

"No point, he's gone. Hope, thanks for coming over but could you go. I am exhausted. I don't want you to get sick."

"Right, Lizzie, you aren't sick, except for being heartsick. The chicken soup won't cure that, but you should eat it anyway. We need stronger stuff than soup. Now is a time for wine and ice cream."

"I am not hungry."

"No lip from you, missy. I insist you eat this soup now." She pushed the bag to me.

I tried to find a smile but couldn't manage it, so I took the bag and ate the soup instead. After Hope tidied up a little and I finished my soup, she left threatening me with another visit.

Later that night, I wondered if my house would ever feel like a home again? Could you die from a broken heart? Right now, it felt like it. I know we'd known each other a short time, but our connection was inexplicably powerful. I couldn't stop missing him as the night passed, unable able to see any future.

Eventually, Sunday evening arrived, and Hope had threatened to drop in, so I needed to take a shower and wash my hair. The warm water made me feel considerably better, but I am not sure that I wanted to feel anything. I was so far deep in the wallow I couldn't get out. Coming out of the wallow meant I'd have to admit Phin was really gone and wasn't coming back. Every day, I'd hoped he'd come back, knocking on the door, begging me to forgive him, saying he was wrong for leaving. He'd apologize over and over, kissing me and assuring me it would be okay. He'd be begging for my forgiveness. God, I am pathetic!

Each day that had gone by and he hadn’t returned ripped me apart. I should be angry with him for claiming me and then just taking off without a word. He should have trusted me enough to know that I would never have done anything to hurt him. My moods were all over the place, I would be angry with him one minute, and sympathetic the next, but right now I just missed him. I missed his kisses, his arms wrapped around me, his laugh, and that damn dimple. Oh, his smell, at least I had that in the sheets and the one shirt he left behind.

I couldn't help but worry. Where is he right now? How is he? Was he safe? The thought of him out there homeless in the cold and on his own somewhere made the tears come even more. In all my sadness, I hoped he knew he had my heart to protect and one day I hoped he would bring it back to me.