Homeless Heart

"For it all."

All of sudden, his voice filled with rage. "Why couldn't I stand up for myself? I was so weak. If I'd only told someone. My father was right; I was worthless."

My body trembled as I tried to hold back the tears and my need to touch him. To reassure him he was lovable. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever as Phin calmed down. He'd sat back, planting his feet on the ground. He looked down as he rested his elbows on his knees. He still hadn't looked at me.

"You couldn't have done anything, Phin, you were just a child. You have to realize that what your father was saying wasn't really about you. You understand it was something that he'd gone through too. His actions don't excuse his abuse of you, but do you recognize now that it's not your fault?"

"I am trying to comprehend it all now." His voice still strangled by tears and anger.

"Do you know that you could never do that to your child?"

“I am trying to believe in myself,” whispered Phin

Finally, I cleared my throat, hoping to find my voice and I rested my hand on his. "Dr. Lawrence, is it okay for me to speak now?”

“Yes, go ahead, Elizabeth.”

“Phin, you would never hurt our children or me. You'd only ever fight to protect us, I believe that with all my heart."

"Thank you, Lizzie." He pulled my hand up and kissed the back of it.

He took a tissue and wiped his eyes.

“Phin, this was a good session. I'm proud of you, but on your next session we need to address this rage you have for your parents because this anger is an emotion you’ve been avoiding.”

I looked at Phin, who'd been so brave but was now completely wiped out.

"Elizabeth, thank you for coming to support Phin today. You did great."

"Thank you, Doctor, but Phin was the strong one today."

"Yes, he's a good man."

I could see that the doctor's comment had affected Phin. He wiped his eyes with the heal of his hand and cleared his throat, then gave me a warm and reassuring hug. The last fifty minutes had been a thought-provoking journey of discovery and confessions that I would never wish on anyone. Although Phin had done the heavy lifting during the session, I felt like I'd been carrying an anvil on my chest. As we thanked the doctor and headed out, I felt that weight lifted and I needed to go home.

"Let's go home and take a nap." I took his hand in mine.

"It's like you are reading my mind."