But I can’t look at her.
Not when I’m fuming with anger.
When dinner is over, I’m the first one up and I head outside because I need air. I knew if I left before dinner, my mom would worry and I don’t need to cause her any more grief. I can’t. Done enough of that today. But shit, the last part of that dinner was suffocating. So damn awkward, and Avery didn’t say a word to anyone but Lucy and Angie. It was pathetic and sad, and maybe I was a dick for not saying anything, but I was trying to figure out my next move. If I have the right to be upset with her.
I mean, she doesn’t talk about her family, and I don’t ask too many questions because I know it hurts her. But the commissioner? I feel like she should have told me that. Even if it doesn’t matter, I feel like I should have known. It’s just a huge surprise I really wasn’t ready for, and I don’t know what to say to her. Will she shut down? But honestly, what can she have to say? She didn’t tell me. There is nothing else to be said, but damn it, I need her to say something.
When Jude and Jayden flank me, I don’t even know why I’m surprised and we head outside. Avery must still be playing with Angie, and that’s cool, I just need a minute. A minute to breathe and to gather my thoughts because I have a twenty-minute car ride with her, and we are going to have to talk about this.
Whether she likes it or not. I don’t care. We are talking.
“You didn’t know?” Jayden asks once the cold air hits my face.
Crossing my arms, I let my head fall back as I suck in a deep breath. “No.”
“She never told you?” Jude asks incredulously and I shrug, looking back at him.
“We don’t talk about her family. They are shit to her, and it’s just not something that comes up. Plus, for the last three weeks, I thought her name was Avery Rose, so I never connected the dots.”
“Why didn’t she tell you?”
“I don’t fucking know, Jay. Fuck,” I groan, shaking my head.
“I don’t get it,” Jayden says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why hide that?”
“I don’t know,” I say softly, my throat itching with emotion.
Jude shakes his head as Jayden looks at me. “Jace, I’m not trying to sound like a dick but—”
“If it goes bad, you could be fucked!” Jude yells and I flinch. I already thought about that, and yeah, it scares me shitless. But what can I do? I’m already in it. There is no turning back at this point.
“I know.”
“Jace,” Jayden stresses. “This isn’t smart.”
“Can you get out?” Jude asks, and I shake my head, dread filling my belly.
“I don’t want to,” I say, looking up at them. “I love her.”
Jayden looks away, as frustrated as I am, while Jude shakes his head. “Can you un-love her? This is playing with fire, Jace!”
“Can you un-love Claire?”
He runs his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. “No, yeah, that was dumb.”
“I didn’t choose her, my heart did,” I say and they both look at me, deadpan.
“Okay, Romeo, tuck that corny shit back in,” Jude teases. While, yeah, it was corny, it’s the truth. I didn’t want a girlfriend, didn’t want to be connected with anyone. I wanted an easy year, a fun one, and somehow I fell hard for some beautiful singing temptress I saw up against a tree. One who has some demons that scare the shit out of me, but I don’t care.
I love her.
Taking a step toward me, Jayden takes me by the shoulders. “If you even think there is a possibility you can get out, please do.”
I hold his gaze, my eyes burning with irritation because why would they even suggest this? I mean, I get it. This is a big deal, but didn’t they hear me when I said I love her? “Did you get out when you knew you loved Baylor? Even when she didn’t want anything to do with you, when she was more concerned with winning than you? Did you give up?”
His eye twitches as his hands drop from my shoulders. “No.”