Scoffing, I nod. “You have no idea.”
“If that’s the way you felt, Baylor, then why didn’t you just tell me?”
Whipping around, I find my dad standing in the middle of the stairs. “Dad.”
“And I’m out,” Markus says, looking between us.
“Coward,” I call at him as he runs up the stairs and slams the door at the top.
Dad laughs before lowering himself on the step and looking at me. “Well, today has been eventful.”
“To say the least,” I add.
“Are you okay?”
“Oh my God, please stop asking me that!” I yell, leaning back against the wall. “It’s fine. I’ve forgotten it. McCarthy can’t bring me down.”
“I was talking about Sinclair,” he says softly. “I know you’re okay with the McCarthy thing. I know how you work.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “But no, I’m not okay with the Sinclair thing.”
“Why did you try to lie to me, Bay? You know you can’t lie, right? I see right through you,” he reminds me and I shrug.
“Because I thought you couldn’t handle it.”
“I can handle a lot. Try again.”
Shaking my head, my lips wobble. “I was worried you would try to make me break up with him, and I can’t. So then I would be stuck choosing between you and him, and I can’t do it. I love you both.”
“So you do love him?”
Closing my eyes, tears leak out the sides as I agree. “So much, Dad, so damn much.”
“So apparently, you haven’t told him? Why?” he asks, holding my gaze, and I look away.
“Because I’m scared. When I love someone, they leave me or hurt me.”
“I haven’t left you or hurt you, have I?”
Meeting his gaze, I shake my head. “No, Daddy, but Mom and Seth did.”
He slowly nods his head, his eyes holding mine. “Baby, you got to let that go or you will forever be held back. Don’t let those relationships define you or who you are. You used to be wound so tight, so worried about getting ahead, and I never saw you relax. You came back from Florida, and I saw a little crack in that. Then we came here and you completely changed. You still have your drive, your talent, but you aren’t so tied up inside, you’ve mellowed, and you seem to be enjoying life instead of just living it,” he says, pausing to look at me. “Sinclair, I assume?”
Nodding my head slowly, I look down at the ground as he goes on. “I knew he liked you, Baylor. I just ignored it, figured it was some crush. But when he carried you to the house, his shirt full of puke, I knew it was more than a crush.”
“Yeah, you, and everyone else. I’ve fought it tooth and nail because I’m so scared to give up control and love him. Finally, I do, and I can’t even admit it to him. I tried to wait for the perfect time, when really, I should have done what I do best and scream it at him.”
“Why, though?”
I shrug. “I have no clue. Maybe because I’m scared he’d reject me. But then he already told me he loved me, so yeah, I don’t know, Dad. I just couldn’t do it. He’s honest and he doesn’t hold back, and I’m the total opposite. I hold everything back, and I guess I’m not honest because I lied to you and myself about how I felt,” I say, feeling like a complete failure. “It’s just there are so many variables that could happen—he could go to one team and me another, and then what if he doesn’t want to wait to see me and leaves me. I think it always comes down to the fact that he could leave me and that scares me.”
“But he could also stay.”
“Yeah, you’re right, I just need to believe in him and me, and I do. I have for a while now. But when I say it out loud, it’s real and it means something. If I keep it in, then nothing can hurt me, but, I just… I don’t know. I fucked up because that’s not true. Him walking away from me and not answering my calls or texts is killing me because I know I hurt him. So really, I was wrong all around, and I’m not sure how to fix it. But I know I have to, because I need him in my life.”
“You can fix it, Bay,” he says, and I look up at him.
“So you aren’t gonna freak out at me?” I ask, surprised.