When the tears start down my face again, I don’t even try to stop them. “So I’ll lose you and Ryan?”
Her face changes within seconds, her eyes welling up as she reaches for me. “Oh, Sofia, you’re so strong, you’ll be fine.”
“But I love you too, and you make me a better person.”
“No, you make me better,” she stresses as she holds my face, wiping away the tears. “And who knows? I may come back if it doesn’t work out. I don’t know, but I have to try.”
As I gaze into her eyes, I wonder if I should do the same. Go wherever Ryan signs. I’m sure I can open a gym. Yeah, that’s a great plan.
Except Ryan would never go for it.
“Do you think he wants to leave me?”
Amelia shakes her head quickly. “Not at all. But then, he knows you’ll never find what you have here. A full ride, a sponsor, and we all know damn well there are tons of elite gyms, but there isn’t one here. It needs one, run by you.”
I know all this, but the thought of being with him, loving him for the rest of my life sounds so perfect. “But what about what I want? Or better yet, who I want?”
She shrugs. “That’s the difference between you and me. I don’t care about the other stuff. I care about love.”
Her words play over and over again in my head. Soon, I’m shaking my head in disgust. “No, there is no difference. I care about love too. I love Ryan.”
“Then there is a difference between Ryan and Drew. Ryan would never let you give everything up. Drew would.”
“And you want that?” I find myself asking, and she nods.
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Because I love him, Sofia.”
“But I love Ryan, and you don’t see me trying to throw everything away,” I explain, but she shakes her head.
“Because we both know Ryan wouldn’t let you. He’s selfless. He cares about everyone else before himself.”
“Amelia, don’t you see you deserve that?”
“I don’t want it,” she says. “Because if I had it, I’d be sitting on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out over a love I’m losing.” I blink at her as she cups my face. “I love you, Sofia. I do and I always will, but you can’t even begin to understand what Drew and I have. I love him, and I’m going to marry him. So please don’t judge me.”
“But, Amelia—”
She stands, holding her hand up. “I am so sorry you’re upset, and I wish it were different for you. I do, because you two are so damn good together, but alas, it isn’t. So my advice is to start putting some space between—”
“No,” I say, cutting her off and standing too. “I won’t. I love him, and I will love him until he is gone and away. Then I’ll love him more while we both live our dreams. Maybe one day we’ll come back together, maybe we won’t. But I’ll always have this. Us. To remember. And I’ll have my goals and dreams.”
She nods. “Hope those goals and dreams keep you warm at night.”
“Not everyone needs someone else to keep them warm.”
“Easy to say now when you have that person, but you’ll see how awful it can be when he is gone.”
A silence falls between us, and for the first time, I feel betrayed by Amelia. I know she is defending her love, as am I, but this isn’t her. I don’t know if this is Drew’s Amelia or what, but I want my Amelia back. “I don’t know how this turned so ugly. I don’t want it to be like this with you,” I say, my eyes searching hers. “I’m not trying to judge you. I just want the best for you.”
“You don’t know what the best is for me. No one does.”
“But, Amelia—”
“Just drop it, Sofia. For the sake of our friendship, drop it.”
I press my lips together as she inhales. “I have to follow my heart, and it leads to Drew.”
I don’t say anything. I stare into her eyes, and I wish like hell Drew would disappear. He’s going to ruin her. I know he is. “I love you, Amelia.”
She wasn’t expecting that; her face says so before she nods slowly. “And I love you.”
My heart is thumping into my ribs as I hold her gaze. When she looks away, it’s to reach for the doorknob before pulling the door open and leaving the bathroom without a backward glance. When the door shuts, I close my eyes and sit down on the closed toilet.
And I sob.
Because, come this May, I will not only lose the man I feel is the love of my life, but I’ll lose my best friend too.