Just One Look (Castleton Hearts)

“Good job,” Beth whispered to me after I’d checked out a woman who’d been looking for young adult books for her daughter. After a series of questions, we figured out that she loved magical creatures and fantasy, so I loaded the mom down and she was endlessly grateful.

“Thanks,” I said. “I’ve been trying to keep up with the new releases we have.”

“You’re doing a great job. Our teen collection is really small, and I’ve been trying to squeeze some more in the budget to make it bigger. I really wish we had a dedicated teen space where they could hang out, but there’s just not room.” The library was broken up into the main room, the children’s room, and then there were several meeting rooms and classrooms that didn’t have books, but had tables and chairs, and then there was the kitchen a few small offices. The used bookstore was a separate building, but it was connected but a small hallway. Every inch of space was maximized but organized. Since Castleton was such a small town, there were only so many places to have meetings, and the library was one, so the rooms were needed for the community.

“Too bad you can’t convert one of the rooms or build out an addition or something,” I said.

“I know,” Beth said with a sigh. “I think about it all the time.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her about my bookstore ambitions, but I kept my mouth shut and took my break in the back with Pam, who had to show me her new tick bite and tell me all about the terrible symptoms of Lyme disease until it was time for me to go back to the desk.

I went home after my shift ended and started making dinner, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of something unfinished. Theo hadn’t been in touch, and the more time that had passed, the more annoyed I’d gotten until I was boiling over with it.

You’re not very good at being friends, I sent.

Why is that? She responded.

Friends text their friends. They send each other memes. They check in. I haven’t heard from you for days, I sent.

You want me to send you memes, she responded, and I could feel the sarcasm in those words.

They don’t have to be memes. But you at least have to talk to me if you want to stay friends. If you’re busy, that’s fine, but all I’ve had from you is radio silence, I sent.

Her response took a few minutes, and the pot of pasta on the stove almost boiled over as I waited.

I’m not a very good friend.

I drained the orzo in the sink and poured it in a bowl to cool for my pasta salad.

I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not, I responded.

I’m serious, Kendra. I’m a shitty friend. I think I missed that lesson in kindergarten, she sent.

Well, at least that was honest.

You can practice with me. I can tell you when you’re sucking at it, I responded.

You don’t have to do that. I’m a grown adult. It’s not your fault I’m an asshole, she sent.

The thing was, I didn’t think Theo really was an asshole. Yes, she had asshole tendencies, but I’d never seen her be mean just for the sake of meanness. True, I hadn’t spent all that much time with her, but I didn’t think my instincts about her were wrong.

I’m happy to give you friend lessons, I responded. And I’m not scared of you.

I could almost hear her chuckle.

What I told her was a lie. I was scared of her, but in completely different ways that I wasn’t going to tell her about. If Theo knew how completely and totally attracted to her I was, she’d run for the hills.

Friend lessons? She asked.

Yup. You up for it? I asked.

I think I can handle it, she responded.

First friend lesson, send me the last thing that made you laugh, I sent, and then waited.

While Theo thought about that, I mixed the pasta with chicken, cucumbers, tomatoes, artichokes, and my special dressing.

Her response came through while I was mixing everything together.

The picture was of two dogs both holding a huge branch in their mouths with the titles “branch manager” and “assistant branch manager.” It was really silly, and I was surprised that’s what she sent me.

My niece sent me that, she sent. She’s always sending me funny dog stuff.

She has good taste, I responded and then sent a screenshot the most recent viral comment exchange that had cracked me up.

Okay, you got me. That’s funny, Theo sent.

I hoped you’d like that, I responded.

We talked back and forth as I ate my dinner standing in the kitchen. It wasn’t as nice as having Theo here, but it was still good that she was talking to me again. The friendship practicing thing was a ruse, but she didn’t need to know that.