Loan Shark Love

Anderson shrugs. He kisses his daughter. “I’m ready for it. All Allie does is drool and cry.”

“That’s not true,” Natalie counters with a laugh. “She can say poop.”

“Yeah, she’s a scholar, our girl,” Anderson says in a deadpan voice, and Natalie bursts out laughing at her husband.

Grey comes back and Ryder settles on my dad’s lap, stealing pepperonis from his pizza slice. My dad lets him, ever the soft grandfather to his grandson. I can’t help but smile at the adorable little display, and my dad smiles back at me.

I can’t believe how far we have all come from the beginning and how much we’ve grown.

“I’m glad we could get together like this for the 4th of July,” I say to everyone. “We can watch the fireworks over the lake tonight. Grey is grilling steak for everyone.”

“Count me in,” my dad says with his beer in hand, patting his belly with a loud burp. Ryder pats his little tummy, too, copying my dad’s movement.

Little Allie crawls up to me, and I lift her into my arms, holding my niece close to my chest. She takes deep, sleepy breaths as she sits on my lap, curling a hand in my hair. Her red hair tickles my nose, and she makes little gurgling sounds in my ear. Her green eyes are closing in sleep. I feel so content in the sun's golden rays, surrounded by my family and the people that I love. I can’t imagine a better day, and I wonder if anyone has ever been as happy as I am at this moment.

For years, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough in my own life. I felt like I wasn’t good enough to be with anyone, let alone someone like Grey Kingston. The fact that I’ve been his wife for a few years now is a testament to the fact that I was so very wrong.

I have confidence in myself that I never had before. I know my worth, as a wife, as a mother, and just as a person in general. I can’t believe now that I had ever thought of myself as not enough. Grey looks at my body, a little different from carrying our son, but not with disdain but with even more need, he wants me even more than before.

After my mom’s accident, I had been so afraid to make any sort of connection that might hurt me. I wonder, sometimes, if I didn’t hate myself back then, but rather I hated what someone could do to me if I let them. I didn’t want to be vulnerable in my own life and not be able to protect myself from others. I wanted to be strong and capable, and now I am.

I put myself on the line for my love and for my family, and I’ve come out unscathed and completely intoxicated with the love of my family. This man at my side is so deeply in love with me and me with him that nothing can tear us apart.

I would move heaven and earth for Grey Kingston, and I would fight off anyone who tried to take him from me. He is the one thing that has never let me down, and I need him like I need the air moving in and out of my lungs. I know he needs me the same way. My life now is one that I have always wanted. I’ve always wished to be loved and to be taken care of, and Grey goes above and beyond for me in that aspect.

He is the same man who covered every inch of me with his body when bullets rained down and who branded his name into my skin with his touch. He is the same man who loved me then, and he loves me now even more.

All of my friends always talked about this kind of love when we discussed what we wanted. I never set any guidelines for myself or who I wanted to be because I never thought I could have anyone worth laying down rules for. Men didn’t want me like that. They just never did, not until Grey came into my life and changed everything.

This is the man all of my friends dreamed of when they conjured their future husbands, imagining him in their heads because the boys in real life could never measure up to that kind of man.

I’m living out their fantasies now in real life, and it’s the most amazing experience. This man would go to the ends of the earth for our little family, to hell and back, and I would follow close behind.

I see them sometimes. My friends, in their lackluster relationships and with their needs barely met. Grey could never be that for me. He will always be right there when I need him, and I have complete faith in him and our relationship. He has set the bar so high for what I will accept from other people that I don’t even know what to say when my friends discuss their husbands with me.