Loan Shark Love

I don’t even remember what it’s like now not to feel wanted and feel like someone is always waiting to hear from me and see me. Grey has given me that gift so easily.

“I love you,” Grey whispers with his mouth to my ear on my other side.

“I love you,” I echo, pulling him in for a quick kiss to end our day with love.

“Mommy!” Ryder calls to me in his little voice, and I let my niece down, giving her to her mother. “Mommy, look!”

The sun isn’t yet low in the sky, but my dad has brought out sparklers, and he lights them. I watch Ryder’s little face grow enchanted by the flickering sparks, and I want to stay in this moment forever. I want to relish every moment with my child that I can, and I never want to miss anything. I take out my camera, the vintage polaroid that Grey gifted me a year earlier for my birthday, and I snap pictures of everything. I get Grey kissing my ear and Natalie holding her baby girl with Anderson kissing her shoulder. I get my dad grinning and Ryder holding the sparkler in his chubby little hands, smiling his wide, gummy smile.

“The light of my life,” Grey says in my ear, and I can’t help but smile as we watch the sparkler die down, drifting into nothing. “Both of you are.”

“More!” Ryder cries, clapping his chubby little hands.

Little Allie is entranced by the sight, watching with bubbles escaping her open mouth. Natalie and Anderson are leaning together as my son, and my father stand together. Grey presses a kiss to the back of my head, and I know in my heart that life can’t get much better than this.

YEARS LATER

Grey

Never could I have imagined how much I love being a father in my lifetime. Ryder is becoming the best big brother I have ever seen, and his sisters adore him, as do his mother and me.

This weekend, Rosie and I are on babysitting duty with Natalie and Anderson’s two children. Allie has herself a little brother now, Devon, and we have added to our family with twin girls, Theresa and Morgan.

I thought I was overly protective when Ryder was born, but it is nothing compared to having little girls. I am already devising questionnaires for potential gentlemen callers when the girls are old enough to date in my eyes.

My beautiful wife, Rosie, has a continual glow about her. Family life certainly suits her, and she is the best mom, wife, and lover there is. I might be a bit biased, though.

Sometimes, when I reminisce about how Rosie and I met, I know that I wanted her to be my wife from the moment I saw her. Some animal instinct told me she would be the mother of my children. I’m just damn lucky that she felt the same from the beginning. I can’t imagine not having her and the children in my life.

They are my reason to breathe, to live.

Watching our children, who you played a part in making, grow up is one of the most magical things there is. My little man, Ryder, is very much the typical, loud, get into trouble, curious little boy. But, when it comes to his sisters, he becomes a very caring and accommodating big brother. Truly amazing. And I can see both Therese and Morgan already have a semi-stubborn streak running through them which Rosie says comes from me. But, hey, who am I to argue?

I’ve been thinking about talking to Rosie about having one more baby, but I don’t know if she is up for it. However, I can see how tiring it was for her when she was pregnant, and she has already given me more than I could ask for.

This is a subject I have yet to broach with Rosie. I know she loves the children like life itself, so maybe the suggestion of one more little one will go over better than what I am thinking.