Day 36
It’s been morethan twelve hours, and I haven’t seen Jace. No word from him at all. After Ed and Claudia escorted him into the main house, the party didn’t feel the same, so we all went our separate ways. I waited up for him until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
He still wasn’t here when I woke up.
That was three hours ago.
I’m running on barely any sleep and freaking out.
The elimination ceremony is in less than four hours, and I need to start getting ready, but I can’t bring myself to stop staring between my closed door and my phone. Praying he calls or texts. That I’ll hear from him soon. See his beautiful smile.
That everything is going to be all right.
But I know it’s not. I can feel it in my soul.
Whatever went down last night is bad. Jace won’t be walking through my door any sooner than Naomi will.
Because he’s gone.
Knowing I’m running out of time, I quickly shower and start getting ready. I was planning on wearing the same dress I wore the day I arrived for the ceremony tonight. It was the first thing Jace saw me in, and I wanted tonight to be special. For us to step forward for the final round together.
Quickly swapping it out for a short, white baby-doll style dress, I locate a pair of black heels and knee-high stockings that flirt with the hem. This was going to be the outfit I wore at the finale next week, assuming I made it that far. I’ve been saving it all this time, just in case it was a possibility.
But do I want to be here another week without Jace?
Can I survive here with him gone?
What’s the point?
I may not have come here to find love or even lust, but I found both. I can see that now. First, I lusted after Jace because of the mystery that surrounded him. He was just a sexy man that paid attention to me. The body of a god. Kisses that made me ache in all the right places.
But the more I got to know him, the more I cared. It became less about the person he was on the outside, what he could do for me, and more about the man he really was. The caring, kind person beneath the jaw-dropping and gorgeous exterior.
I didn’t even realize I was falling for him as it was happening. I wish I had. I want to remember the moment he stole my heart.
My broken, unrepairable heart.
He fixed it. Glued all the pieces back together. Found a way to make me feel whole again.
I’m not scared of being with Jace. Or where this life might take us.
What I am scared of is not being with him. Feeling empty and alone because he’s not by my side.
I’ve always sworn I was an independent woman. That I didn’t need a man to make me feel complete.
I still stand by those statements.
What I didn’t realize is that having someone in your life, the right person, doesn’t make you less independent. It makes you feel like a part of something bigger. Looking back, a part of me was missing before I met Jace.
Sure, I was battered and bruised when we met. Maybe a little hesitant to trust.
When you meet the right person, your other half, the one you’re meant to be with, you let go of your uncertainty and trust unconditionally. Your heart knows it’s found its match.
I wish I’d had time to tell Jace all of this. Standing here, staring at myself in the mirror and thinking about it does me no good. He needs to know. He needs to hear me say the words.
I love him. I’ve said it before, but I’m not sure I can say it enough.
I want to be with him. He knows this, but what he doesn’t know is that I want to be there all the time. Take the leap. Move to Miami. Live together. See where this crazy life takes us.