“What are they giving you?”
He narrows his eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Your hand. It’s shaking. You need a fix of something. What is it?”
He gives me a dubious look, making his hand into a fist and palm it into the other one. “You’re fucking seeing things. It’s been a long time since I had a fight, that’s all.” He looks me dead in the eyes. “You, of all people, should know what that’s like.”
He’s half right. I know what it feels like to have the itch to slice someone’s carotid open, spilling their life to the ground. I know what it feels like to be angry enough that my whole body shakes. I’m not so weak that I can’t control my own limbs. Having a tremor is bad for your aim. I do everything in my power not to have one.
I don’t say any of this. I’m tired, and I don’t want to argue.
But I understand some more why Jude hasn’t left this place.
He doesn’t have school anymore, and he failed to protect his cousins. Lorcan is the one who gets to inherit the Duke family fortune. Dino is the one who has his family business to continue, if not reluctantly. Jude has nothing and no one.
He doesn’t even have me because he’s not stupid.
I always planned to leave.
Only Dino assumed I would stay.
I let out a breath. “Do you still have that USB? Did you manage to get it open?” When he first came in here, Lorcan and I smuggled him in some leverage—a digital lockbox with all of the dirt we could get on every member of staff.
“You have no fucking faith. Of course, I did. How did you think I got in here?”
“Who the fuck knows,” I snap.
He sighs. “There’s a computer in the dispensary. I complained of a migraine, and the nurse took pity on me.” I raise both brows, and he grins at me. “Don’t get mad. I didn’t screw her. I just asked nicely if I could sleep it off in one of the sick bays.”
I’m unaware of the claw of jealously gripping my insides ever so tightly until he admits nothing happened. “I don’t give a fuck if you screw her or not,” I snap.
He flashes a smile and hauls me towards him. He smells of soap and drugs, but underneath it all, he smells like Jude. The kiss is invasive and hungry. I let him devour me until he pushes me back down onto the bed and climbs on top.
I don’t stop him.
I’ll interrogate him later about his addiction. For now, I don’t want to talk or think.
I just want to be destroyed from the inside out.