“I’m sure he meant no harm,” Yasmine said automatically.
“Quite the opposite,” Mrs. Slaite said. “He doesn’t want me to define myself based on my past. He certainly wouldn’t want you to do so.”
Yasmine nodded, certain that if she was patient, she would soon understand what was happening.
“You know what happened to the women of Ulfgard?” Mrs. Slaite asked.
“Of course,” Yasmine said. “Even on the Terras we heard what happened.”
“It was a terrible moment in our history,” Mrs. Slaite said. “And it was a chaotic day. I will never forget the moment we realized we had sent the entire force to the opposite side of the system and that we were being attacked right next door.”
“Were you part of the military?” Yasmine asked with a sudden flash of insight.
“I was high up,” Mrs. Slaite said, her mouth a thin, tense line. “The highest-ranking officer still here on Ulfgard after the others went to the other side of the system. Women didn’t serve on the front lines in those days.”
Yasmine nodded, the pieces coming together - Mrs. Slaite’s manner, her discipline, and her frustration when she saw things she felt were inefficiencies.
“When we realized what was happening, I saw the solution,” Mrs. Slaite said with a haunted look in her eyes. “To me, it was plain as day. Every adult female on Ulfgard had done two years of mandatory service. If we pulled every willing woman under a certain age into the field, we had a chance.”
She looked out over the lawn toward the trees and the sky, lost in memories.
“I made the call and they mobilized,” she said, still looking out into the distance. “They came from everywhere. The girls from basic training reported in, of course, but women straight out of other jobs, too. They came in scrubs and crossing guard vests and in yoga pants and wedding gowns. There were women whose breasts were leaking milk while they strapped into their gear. So many… I never imagined so many would answer the call…”
She went quiet for a moment, pressing her lips together even more tightly than before.
“My own daughter was there,” she said. “Walked out of the county clinic with her medical bag, hoping to help on the battlefield.”
Yasmine barely held back a sob at the thought of what that must have felt like.
“None of them came back,” Mrs. Slaite said. “Not one.”
“Oh, Mrs. Slaite,” Yasmine murmured.
“They were slaughtered on that beach,” she said. “And I take full responsibility for each and every one.”
“But they saved the whole system,” Yasmine said gently.
“Yes, and they called me a genius for it,” Mrs. Slaite said bitterly. “A hero. For sending them all into a death trap to buy some time.”
Yasmine bit her lip. She could certainly relate.
“I walked away from the military,” Mrs. Slaite said. “They allowed me that at least. I planned to spend the rest of what I hoped was my short life digging around in my garden on the farthest mountain on Ulfgard.”
Yasmine nodded. She understood that, too. It was why she had chosen to work in the eldercare home and live in a tiny apartment alone. She had wanted to disappear, to live a life where she could do no more harm.
“But Ba’shir called on me,” Mrs. Slaite said with a rueful smile. “Though I was personally responsible for the death of his wife. He hounded me, and would not take no for an answer.”
That sounded like Ba’sh.
“I finally told him I wasn’t proud of what I’d done, that I could hardly stand to live with myself,” she said softly. “I couldn’t look myself in the mirror, and certainly not on the hologram feeds.”
Yasmine had an urge to wrap an arm around the other woman, but knew Mrs. Slaite wouldn’t like any show of weakness. She nodded instead.
“He told me he knew,” Mrs. Slaite went on, her voice tinged with wonder. “He said it was why he wanted me - because I didn’t just have a cool head under pressure, I had a conscience, too.”
Yasmine nodded, still managing to hold in her tears.
“And so do you,” Mrs. Slaite said, turning to face Yasmine. “I’m sorry I pressured you to arm yourself. It’s clear from what happened when there was real danger that you can handle yourself with or without a blaster, and so can the children.”