And a reason that Brooks, all that time ago, had told me I needed to get over myself and fucking make a move on the one girl who drove me to drink.
“Do it.” Brooks and I had stopped off to meet the girls for happy hour. Colby had just gotten back from some resort in Mexico. Her skin was golden, her smile wide like she was well rested and excited about life, and I felt this ridiculous jealousy.
Why couldn’t I be like that?
Relaxed?
Not so controlled?
Free. Why couldn’t I be free?
Maybe I was drunk off her smile, but my brain told me if I just kissed her once, I’d feel that freedom, I’d be able to steal a bit of it for myself. I wouldn’t feel so stressed out all the time. I’d dumbly admitted this to Brooks after one beer, and now he was shoving me toward her.
“No,” I barked out. “Not happening. We’d be a disaster, hell, we are a disaster, every single interaction either ends up in a black eye, spilled drinks, hospital visits—”
“—Stop exaggerating.”
“I’m not,” I deadpanned, then stole a look at her again. She was adjusting one of her red heels, looking back over her shoulder.
Her blue eyes locked with mine and I forgot to breathe as tension swirled between us. She was wild. I was calm. She was my complete opposite. So why did I always feel like I was out of breath whenever she gave me that look? I told myself it was irritation.
But Brooks knew me like a brother.
It was infatuation.
With my sister’s best friend.
My breathing slowed when I thought back on that day last year. I’d had no idea that less than seven months later, he’d be gone. And I’d be left with the one woman I didn’t know how to deal with.
I let out a snort. I’d probably spend the rest of my life in the center of her chaos and never wear clean pants again.
Ever.
I shuddered.
No, thank you.
I picked up my cell and quickly shot off a text to Colby, waving the white flag as much as my ego would allow me.
Me:
Sorry for this morning. I know you’re trying…
She responded right away.
Colby:
What’s with the…? That’s basically like saying, I know you’re trying but…
I rolled my eyes.
Me:
Can’t you just accept my apology?
Colby:
Was that one?