That’s why I know it will be you who will try the most to find me.
I’m going to ask you a favor. I don’t want you to look for me. I want you to focus on your new family. Congratulations on the wonderful news of your baby.
It’s the best news we’ve had in our family for years and it couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person. I also couldn’t have been happier to see you with someone as pure as Isabella. When she looks at you I can see that she loves you.
I want you to focus on that.
I need a break for a while. I need to be able to find myself and fix myself. Until I do that I don’t think I can be the Dominic you guys need. I don’t think I can help you the way you need to be helped.
I’m no good to you the way I am. I’m no good to anyone with this addiction.
Words can’t describe how ashamed I am of myself for what I did to Candace and to you. We aren’t the kind of brothers who pulls guns on each other.
We’re the kind who have each other’s backs. During the last few weeks there were several times when I did not have your back, and you shouldn’t have had to worry about me at any point.
I’m truly sorry for that.
I don’t know how long I’ll be away but I need to go.
So this is me checking out for a while.
Be safe.
Love Dominic.
I gaze out the window feeling that hollow inside me. He’s right that I would be the one to go looking for him. That’s exactly what I feel like doing now. Looking.
He asked me not to.
How must I?
He’s my kid brother.
* * *
Candace is awake and propped up on a stack of pillows. She’s still attached to tubes but the color has come back to her cheeks.
Massimo was here a little before me. She’s still under keen observation and we’re still being cautioned not to overwhelm her.
She offers me a kind smile when I approach but her eyes are filled with sadness.
I’m sure she knows about Dominic.
“Hello there,” she greets me.
“Buonasera principessa,” I reply and she smiles.
“You always know how to make a girl feel like a princess even when she’s lying in a hospital bed looking like hell.”
“You don’t look like hell.”
“Liar, I caught a glimpse of my hair. Even rats have better places to sleep.”
It’s tangled and not neat the way she normally has it, but it’s nowhere near as bad as what she thinks.
“I’ll get a brush from the nurses and sort it out for you.”
“You’ll brush my hair?” she starts to laugh. Her laughter is weak but it’s such a good sound I feel like telling my stupid jokes of the past.