It doesn’t feel like the time to joke though, far from it. I look at her and I just nod and smile.
I know Candace in this condition, and what could have happened to her is what pushed Dominic to leave.
He’s ashamed of himself for doing this to her.
“Thank you in advance,” she mutters and I reach for her hand.
As we stare at each other the seriousness fills the space between us.
“Dominic told me he was going to do it,” she says and her eyes become glassy. “He said he was going to leave.”
As she says that I remember what she said when she first woke from the coma. She looked at Dominic and said don’t leave.
Although it struck me weird that she would say that I thought she just meant not to leave that day, that moment.
“When did he tell you?” I ask eager to know.
“While I was unconscious. I sense you guys and there were moments when I could hear you. He spoke to me.” She nods. “The first thing he asked me is if I would allow him to talk. he didn’t want the sound of his voice to upset me. He said he was sorry for what he did to me, that he loved me and that he felt the only way he could find himself is by leaving.”
“He said all that?”
“Yes. Yesterday when I woke up there was a letter. It seems like I was his last stop.” She points over to the little table in the corner with a letter.
I release her hand and take a seat next to her.
“I got a letter too. He asked me not to look for him. I don’t know how I’m supposed to honor that. Where the hell did he go?”
“Tristan, there’s going to be several reasons why Dominic asked you not to look for him, but I’m guessing there’s one you didn’t think of,” she points out.
“What?”
“You won’t find him. He told you not to look because you won’t find him. You underestimate what he can do sometimes. He’s the kind of person who can just disappear if he wants and go completely off grid.”
All I can do is stare back at her knowing she couldn’t be more right. There have been several times in my life when I thought of Dominic as a genius. The man who could make miracles happen and do the impossible. He’s doing it again now, just for himself.
Fuck. I’m not gonna find him.
“No one will be able to find him until he’s ready,” she adds. “And I have the feeling we’re not gonna see him for a very long time. He wouldn’t do all of this if it was just for a few months. I could see something like this happening. It was there on the horizon but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was I thought he’d do. I also didn’t expect to end up in a hospital bed with a bullet wound close to my heart.”
I bring my hand to my head. “Candace I’m so sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize. I can’t pretend I’m okay with it. I’m not. I’m here and I hate hospitals. It’s making me anxious just knowing I’m here, but I know it was an accident Tristan. I know it was an accident. Dominic never even aimed the gun at me. The cops were here the same day I woke up and I told them the same. I’m not pressing charges or anything. Dominic spoke to them too. I think before you left. I don’t know what was discussed but he didn’t want to make it look like he was fleeing from trouble or trying to avoid jailtime.”
“Candace, I don’t want to play devil’s advocate here but you were shot. That can’t just go unpunished no matter how sorry he is.”
“I know what you’re saying. I do, and I know if I didn’t drop the charges he would have felt the same and served whatever punishment he needed to make it right by me. It’s enough and that’s why I accept his apology.” A tear runs down her cheek. “Tristan I’m tempted to press charges so I can have the cops look for him for me. I lie here talking you like I’m calm and I understand why he left and I do. I get it. But that doesn’t mean I wanted him to go. In my letter he told me not to wait for him, so I’m not.”
I’m couldn’t be more surprised to hear that. It means she really thinks Dominic won’t be back any time soon. The thought weakens me further and I realize I’m at a loss here.
“You aren’t?”
“No. I can’t,” she answers. “I’ve loved him my whole life and this disappearing act is one we’re not supposed to have answers to. He wrote us letters as a parting gift. Something that wouldn’t make us hold out on seeing him soon. I can’t live the rest of my life waiting and wondering when he’s going to come back. Neither should you.”
I nod my agreement. “I guess I can’t.”
She reaches for my hand again and gives me a little smile. “Live Tristan. Be alive. Be a person and love. I watched you crumble when Alyssa died. It was like you died too. You only came back to us when you met Isabella. Treasure that.”
“I plan to.”