The answer has to exist outside everything that's happening to me at the moment.
If my answer is yes, it has to be because it's the right thing to do for me.I can't just be Candace of the past and skip back into Dominic's arms, forgiving him for everything just because he's Dominic D'Agostino.
I can't be that girl. I have to be a woman and be strong in my decision, bearing in mindI'd obviously have to say goodbye to that little plan of mine to get close to Jacques.I'll have to factor in what that might mean since I've already done the math and all the mental acrobatics of possibilities and still came up with the auction as the way to get what I want.
If my answer is no, that has to be for the right reasons too.
I sit there in the bed and think, then I realize clarity won't come in this hollow apartment.
There's only one place I can think of right now that can help me put things in perspective, so I fire off a message to Massimo telling him I'm working from home today.When he replies telling me to take whatever time I need, I'm glad I work for him.I'm sure with the amount of work-from-home days I've had in just this week, most bosses would have fired me by now.
I get dressed and leave, promising myself I'll make use of the day, and when I come back through those doors later, I'll come back less conflicted.
* * *
The drive to Stormy Creek took just under two hours because I got stuck in traffic.It's roughly an hour and a half away from my home in Santa Monica.As I drive through the town and look at some of the dilapidated buildings, just the thought that someone like me lives in a penthouse apartment in Santa Monica has my head spinning.Me, a Stormy Creek rat.
That's what the rich kids at school used to call us.
I left here when I was seventeen.Giacomo D'Agostino made it big like the Beverly Hillbillies when he invested in the oil business.He took me with him and treated me like his own daughter.
We moved to L.A. to a beautiful mansion and years later when Massimo moved into his own home I moved with him.It was a psychological thing that stuck with me that I couldn't be too far away from him.Of all the guys, he was the craziest, and the one who had women falling at his feet daily, so I'm sure he couldn't have been too fond of the idea of having me around.But he humored me by not just taking care of me but allowing me to earn my keep when I insisted on it.That's how I became his housekeeper.Year in, year out, I worked and hoped the time would come when I got better.
Then I did. Getting my apartment was a bigger step than anybody would know.So was living on my own. I was always scared to be by myself and was always looking around corners and watching my back.For a long time, I fully believed the tattooed man would come back and kill me.It took years to trust I was safe.
I turn the corner by the creek.The road ahead will take me to the meadows where I used to live.
I'm there within five minutes, and I look out at my old house as I drive by.I still can't go too close to it.I haven't stepped foot inside since the night my parents were killed.
Instead of turning up the path that leads there, I head down to the bottom of the hill and park by the D'Agostino house.It's still their place, and Massimo now owns most of the land and the surrounding homes that cover the meadows.He bought it all in an attempt to preserve memories from those days where we were the kids playing in the meadows and our parents would sit and watch us.His mother would paint, mine would bake, and our fathers would talk about fishing.
I get out of my car and make my way to the place between both houses.This would have been where Dominic used to sit.Ahead of me is his home, behind me is mine.
I drop to the patch of grass and look at both houses.They're both little cottages, but each gives off a different vibe.
His home reminds me of his parents and when I look down to the porch, I can still see them dancing to that old jazz song.
It still fills my heart with the same hope of true love.
Behind me... I can't even look at my old home properly without feeling sick.I have the same stomach churning sensation I always have when I come here.
It's strange how so many terrible things happened to me in this place yet the magic that flows from the old D'Agostino home is still strong enough to reach me.I don't come here a lot, but I have on occasion and I can still feel it.Like always, it cleanses my mind of any uneasiness I feel.
Today, I think I'm herebecause this was the place where everything changed for me.I also think any decision I make on giving Dominic a second chance hasto take the past into consideration.
What I remember when I think of Dominic was a boy who was kind to me.Like his brothers and his father, he always made sure I was taken care of, but it felt more like he was doing that because we were friends.
I was the friend and it was clear that was all I'd ever be from the obvious obliviousness to my feelings for me.it was almost like a pretense, like the way you'd act when you aren't interested in a person and you don't want to hurt their feelings by having to tell them.With all his intelligence, there's no way he didn't know how I felt when I'm sure everyone else did.
It got to a point where I accepted I didn't have a hope in hell of being with him.There's definitely no way I thought I'd be sitting here today contemplating being his.
The bottom line is Dominic never noticed me, and if he did he made a point of making sure I knew he wasn't interested.
Add that to feeling like I wasn't important enough for him to stay after he shot me and I think I have valid reasons not to give him a second chance.
That feeling of not being important, however, is what's really hitting me hard.
I understand why he left.