I understand he felt guilty and ashamed of what he did and that he was on drugs.
I understand he thought he needed to get away and clean up, but I refuse to accept the way he treated me.
It didn't fucking help that I knew he was keeping in touch with his brothers.It reallypissed me off that he didn't think to write to me even once.I went through hell not knowing where he was,worring myself sick at one point.
When I lay in that hospital bed fighting for my life, I was so weak.I'll go as far as saying it was the weakest I'd ever felt in my life.After everything that happened to me with Uncle Lucas before my parents died, that's quite a declaration, because my God did I go through a lot with that man.
After Dominic shot me there were points I remember while I was still in a coma that I thought I was going to die.There were several times whenI really believed it was the end and I was never going to see anyone ever again.When I made it back I was so happy I did and the one person I needed to be there for me wasn't.
That was all it was.I just needed Dominic to be there for me.
Telling me he loved me meant nothing if he didn't show it.Instead, what he showed me was the opposite.
After I came out of the hospital, Massimo and Emelia nursed me back to health and they nursed my heart too.
When I got better I promised myself to never give anyone that kind of power over me ever again.Dominic hurt me, but being back here reminds me it wasn't just him who hurt me.
Thirteen years ago the most important people in my life were ripped from my world and I need to find out why.If and when I do then I need to find Candace Ricci.I need to find out who I would have become and open that door for her.
I stand up and look back to my old bedroom window.Like the ghosts of Dominic's parents dancing on the porch, I can see the ghost of myself wishing she could call out for help.
I'm still that girl.
I will not wait for a prince to save me.I have to save myself in every way.
So this thing with Jacques has to happen, and I have to come to terms with my decision on what to do about Dominic.
* * *
Dominic's door opens seconds after I ring the bell.He looks like he was waiting for me, just as his note said.As his eyes rest on me and roam over my face, he gives me a knowing look that tells me he knows what I'm going to say.
He knows this isn’t going to be a good visit.
“Hello, Angel,” he says.
“Hello.”
“Come in.” He steps aside for me to enter.
When I do, I purposely stop by the door."I won't stay long."
"I guess that means that answer you have for me isn't the one I want."
“No,” I murmur in an undertone.“I can’t be with you. I can’t do it.” As I say the words something in my heart snaps and shatters.
“Why?”
I pull in a deep breath and try to steady my nerves.“Because… you hurt me more when you left than when you shot me.I think it hurt me so badly that you left because it means I can't trust you."
"Candace, how can you say that about me?We grew up together. You know you can trust me."
"No, I can't and that's what saddens me because I did trust you.I always did. But, I can't trust you with my heart, the most fragile part of me.When you left the way you did you showed me I can't rely on you.You showed me you won't be there for me when I need you.You showed me what you would do.I could have died Dominic. Even though you saw me wake up from the coma, you don't know what could have happened days after and if it had, no one would have been able to reach you.That's not how you treat someone you claim to love.I think I deserve better than that.I'm worth more than that." I nod and fight back tears."It's been a long week. A really long week.I think we both need time and space.”
We stare at each other for what feels like eons.Now that I’ve said my piece, I have nothing left and I just need to get away and be by myself.
“I’m gonna go,” I state when he doesn’t answer.
I turn to leave, but he calls out my name before I get to the door.When I look back at him and take in his hardened gaze, that shiver of fear I felt yesterday when he spoke to Jacques lances through me.
“I won’t stop,” he declares sounding like he's making a vow.
“What?”
“I won’t stop trying. You loved me once.I’ll make you do it again, even if it takes forever.I won't give up.”
My eyes bulge. “Dominic, I…. told you no.”
"I don't fucking care. Rest assured, I will find a way to make you love me, but most of all to trust me again.You're right, you deserve better, and you are worth more than how I treated you.Since I'm the selfish motherfucker who wants you for himself, I just have to find the way to be that guy who can show you you're worth," he replies, shocking me to my core.Then it’s him who walks away, leaving me.
A tear runs down my cheek as I watch him, and I wonder what the hell's going to happen next.