42
Olivia
Jude placed me in a room with no windows and one lone door.
I’ve been sitting in here by myself for what could be hours.
It’s the stage before the cage.
I’m sitting on the floor by the bed, avoiding that bed.
I don’t want to go anywhere it because I don’t want him getting ideas.
His touch would kill me, and I’d rather draw his gun and shoot myself than have him inside me ever again.
I’ve given up.
I’ve decided it’s over and I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to have to fight to just be alive and I don’t want to fight for the myth of happiness.
I was never supposed to born, and I guess neither was Eric.
Maybe that’s why we never had anything close to good luck. We were never meant to be and the universe was just righting itself by trying to eradicate us. Like one of those weird films with alternate possibilities because of anomalies.
We are those anomalies, the children of an affair between our parents who knew they were doomed before they even began. it seems fitting that we’d be doomed too.
So this could be the end and I have to accept it.
At least Mom is safe.
At least I would die knowing that something good came of my actions and she’s out of danger.
At least for now.
But nothing will matter if I’m dead and I’ve crossed over to the other side.
That makes me think of Ilya.
I think he was dead. there was too much blood and so many bullet holes in his body.
Even if he wasn’t dead when I saw him, he must be that now.
Aiden told me Ilya was like a father to him.
For a man like Aiden to say that it must be true.
I can imagine how his heart must have broken when he discovered Ilya left to die and me gone.
It’s my fault. All of it.
And this is my fault too, because I should have gone to Mom.
I would lying if I said I didn’t know how Aiden felt about me. I saw it in his eyes. Hearing him say what he said this morning and the way he said it just spoke to me in a different way because he was ending us.
When I asked him to take me with him I knew the right words to say so he wouldn’t let me go. And, now that I’m here I’ll confess I didn’t want to leave him just yet.
That was the most pressing reason for coming here.
I knew I wouldn’t have been able to help and if anything I lured the enemy straight to them.