The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (With Cats!)

I’m glad our love still

makes other people vomit

spontaneously.

Anniversary

Thank you for being

so good in bed that we can

get to sleep by nine.

There’s nothing I love

more than holding you close to

avoid the wet spot.

I love you even

though your weird browsing has fucked

up my Netflix queue.

INNOVATIVE LESBIAN DATE SUGGESTIONS

Avoiding bed death in a long-term relationship can often be a struggle. The following lesbian-approved date ideas are here to help. They’re crafty, cheap, and include little-known lady aphrodisiacs sure to stoke your gal’s fires, and possibly convince her to donate more regularly to UNICEF. Win-win.

Have a cow (of the sea)

Attend fund-raiser

for “Conventionally

Unattractive Manatees.”

Shop in a suburban outlet mall

Visit Hot Topic.

Pretend you’re not immensely

enjoying yourself.

Furrever 21

Brainstorm names for the

all-flannel pet boutique you’d

like to one day own.

By “Let’s go on a date” I meant …

Flipping through the Rare

Seeds catalog and eating