“Tanner.” I manage not to let my anger seep through my words. “That still doesn’t give you the right to hit the child.” I would have done the exact same in his predicament, maybe worse, but I know that telling him that isn’t right. “The next time something like this happens, you tell a teacher or you come home and tell me and I’ll take care of it.”
He nods his head, “Yes ma’am, I just got so angry and...” He lets out a sigh.
“I know, but we have to be the bigger person sometimes no matter how much it sucks.” I fiddle with my hands. “And what of these other times you’ve gotten in trouble?”
He just shrugs.
I sigh, shaking my head. “Tanner, you can’t act out in class. You go to school for an education and you can’t get that if you’re acting up in class. Plus, it’s disrespectful and I expect so much better from you.” It’s still a shock to me that he’s been acting up in class and as I look at his defeated shoulders and sad face, I still can’t match the kid beside me to the one in the school files.
“And Tanner, I know I’m not technically your mom, but that doesn’t mean you can disrespect me.” I finally address the problem that hurt me more than anything else today. You’re not my mom. The words had hurt so bad especially after months now of feeling like I’ve been winning as a guardian, but those words…
“Your mother left you to me, because she saw something in me that she thought meant I’d do a good job raising you. I’m not your mother and I’ll never be as great as her, but I’m trying. And I need you to try with me, okay? If you have a problem or if something is bothering you, you come to me and we talk about it. You don’t have outbursts and you don’t shout at me. I have feelings like you and you hurt them today.” My eyes start to burn again and I curse the tears.
Tanner’s arms wrap around my waist. “I’m sorry, Aunt Ivy. I know you take care of me, but sometimes I…” He lets out a shaky breath as I return his hug. “I think you’re trying to replace my mom and…” He can’t finish the statement as he starts to cry and it takes all I have to keep it together and be strong for him as I try to process what he’s trying to say.
“I’d never try to replace your mom, bud, I can’t. I’m not nearly half the woman she was.” I’d looked up to Kylie my whole life, knowing she was one of the most amazing women in the world. “But you have to understand, I’m your guardian now, the only parent you have, so I have to do the duties of your mother. That doesn’t mean I’m trying to replace your mom or make you forget about her.” I run a hand down his shaking shoulders. “I really wish you would have come to me sooner about this.” I curse myself for not taking him to see Patricia like I planned because now everything has come to an ugly head. I’d thought that Tanner was okay since he hadn’t shown any more visible signs of something being wrong.
That’s my mistake.
“I know that before, I was fun Aunt Ivy who would come around with treats your parents didn’t want you to have and let you finger paint on my canvas; but now I also have to make sure that you’re healthy and safe. I have to make sure that you’re going to school and doing what you’re supposed to.” I let out a deep breath. “I know it sucks, but it’s the way things are now and we’ve just got to get used to it. I’ve been trying to go easy on you, but I have to start being stricter with you, but it’s to help you, not hurt you.”
“Yes ma’am.” He nods his head against my side but I still feel the wetness of his tears soaking through my shirt. “I’m so sorry, Aunt Ivy, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“It’s okay, we live and we learn, bud.” I run a hand through his curls, closing my eyes briefly.
“Can you stay with me for a little bit, Aunt Ivy?”
“Of course.”
I lose track of how long I hold onto him and take comfort in him pressed to my side. I try to give him the strength that Emmet gave me and his sobs finally stop and he pulls away, offering me a shaky smile that I return.
Still, I don’t miss the sadness that lingers in his eyes and I decide that I’ll be giving Patricia a call. I made a mistake in not bringing him in weeks ago. I know that if I don’t do it soon, we’ll be back here in a couple of months with his anger and frustration boiling over and me questioning whether or not I’m fit to do this whole thing.
I stand and look down at him as I grab the tablet. “I know the fight wasn’t entirely your fault, but the trouble you’ve been getting into in class is unacceptable.” It hurts to discipline him after holding and comforting him the way I did, but I know it has to be done. “I can’t reward bad behavior, so no tablet for a week, no TV, and while I’ll let you go to practice, you won’t be playing in the game this Saturday.”
Tears well up in his eyes, but he still nods his head. “Yes ma’am.”
“I’m going to go find something for us to eat,” I tell him before moving out of his room. I go back to my own bedroom and find Emmet still sitting in the middle of my bed.
“How’d it go?” he asks, standing up and coming over to me.
“It was hard,” I admit, my eyes still burning and threatening to shed tears. “But I think we made some steps.” I place the tablet down on my bed. “I know it isn’t the end of our problems, but it’s a start.”
He gives me a smile and pulls me in for a warm hug. “Parenting is tough, but if it counts for anything, I think you’re doing awesome.”
“It does count for something, it counts for a lot,” I confess.
“Good.” He kisses my cheek and pulls away, grabbing my hand. “Let’s get some food in you and Tanner. You’ve both got to be hungry since we’ve been shut in for some hours now.” He leads me out of the bedroom and then pulls me to the dining table. “Sit.” He gestures for me to take a seat and I do.
He moves away and I hear the front door open before the sound of Lilly’s babbles reach my ears and after today it makes me feel warm.
Chase pops around the corner, holding the devilish child, who’s playing with his hair. He looks around and when his eyes meet mine, he smiles, walking over and giving me a peck on the lips. Surprisingly, Lilly reaches for me and I take her. I can’t help but to wrap her up in a hug and press my face gently against hers. Of course it ends up with my face being sticky and I look up at Chase accusingly. “What did you let her have?” I ask.
He just grins. “Some things stay between me and Lilly.”
I shake my head but I perk up even more as Nathan walks around the corner. He has a pan of something in his hands and he sets it in the kitchen. He ruffles Lilly’s hair and gives me a small kiss on the cheek. “How are you?” His blue eyes are full of concern and I know the others have filled him in as best as they can.
“I’m doing better,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Thank you all, I hate to be such a burden and I promise it won’t happen again, but I really appreciate what you’ve don-.”