She’s right, but I don’t say that. The rift between us grows in a matter of seconds, returning to its original position prior to Amos leaving. It’s as it was and will always be, mother and daughter slamming their heads together like angry goats.
How useless is it to fight this relationship? Trying to convince her to protect me is like trying to make it rain—frustrating and disappointing. I can’t control the weather any more than I can predict how my mother will act. Maybe she does care about me, but I can’t tell that by her actions alone.
And her words mean nothing to me.
My shoulders slump forward as I recognize the empire I’m inheriting, one built upon shaky and unreliable contracts that won’t provide the love and care I crave. And if I can’t have those things, then I’ll just allow myself to get even colder. What’s the point of being warm when it keeps getting me hurt?
“Thanks for the tea,” I state while standing. “We’ll discuss what happens next some other time. I have homework to do.”
Leaving her in the den makes me feel shaky and lost. I ascend the stairs, listening to the familiar creak of the middle step that prompted her ex-fiancé’s attention a mere twenty minutes ago. Inside my room, I return to my desk, where my math sheets and little notes about Tomas wait for me, reminding me that my world is crumbling piece by piece.
I have to stop it from happening. I must prevent the tumble of my empire before it’s even had time to shine. And the only way to do that is by solidifying my bonds with those worth my attention. If I want to keep those boys around, then I have to start treating them as allies instead of toys.
But how can I convince them to treat me the same way?