Hush Baby Hush

After, when I barely have the energy to blink, Austin carries me back inside the house.

He peels my dirt-caked clothes off and runs me a bath in the big jetted tub.

While we wait for the tub to fill, he hands me a glass of cold water from the tap and then shakes two ibuprofens into my palm.

“Take these and drink up, baby girl.”

I sigh a thank you and start sipping. The aggression he displayed outside is gone now, replaced by a look of satisfaction laced with concern. He picks twigs and grass out of my hair.

“How are you feeling, Kenzie?”

It takes me a moment to shape my feelings into words.

“I feel...so much.”

“Your knees are pretty scraped up.” He brushes his thumb over the tender skin. “I’ll bandage ‘em before we go to bed.”

He helps me into the tub and then climbs in after me. I’m still lightheaded from the intensity of the sex, as well as the chase, and grateful for the support of his hands. He cleans the dirt from my skin with a washcloth, dipping my head back into the water to rinse my hair. We remain in the tub long after we’re both clean, soaking up the warmth in each other’s arms.

“How’d I do?” he whispers into my hair.

I press my lips to his forearm.

“You were everything I needed you to be.”

“Did you ever come close to using your safe word?”

I think back on the night.

“At the beginning,” I say. “When you grabbed me.”

He rubs a palmful of water over his face.

“I knew I started off too heavy.”

“No, you were perfect. I was always going to be a little freaked out no matter what.” I comb his beard hairs straight. “I’m glad I didn’t use it though, cuz then I would’ve missed out on everything else.”

I kiss his collarbone.

“Thank you, Austin. I know this was asking a lot from you.”

“I’m proud of you for asking for what you needed.” He strokes my cheek. I gaze into the eyes of this man who is so obsessed with my happiness and wellbeing, who lights my body up like the Fourth of July every night. The daddy who loves me. The man I love.

“I love you, Daddy.”

A beat of stillness passes before he responds by holding me tighter.

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear you say that.” He kisses my forehead, but I can’t handle not being able to reach his lips.

The water sloshes as I straddle him, taking his face between my hands. I kiss him with every ounce of strength I have left, and all the passion inside me.

All at once, I know what I want the next chapter of my life to look like. I want this man and the life he offers me, in this house, on this land, with those fruit trees. I may not deserve it yet, but I’ll work as hard as it takes to become the girlfriend, the grown-up baby girl, he wants to keep.