Hush Baby Hush

“Look at all the fried goodness,” Teagan croons.

“I’m parched just looking at it,” Hollywood says. “We should definitely ask for waters. You guys need to stay hydrated.”

“I’ll hydrate after I make room.” Teagan hops down off the high-back chair. “Who’s coming with me?”

“I’ll go,” I say.

Teagan hooks her arm through mine. On our way to the restroom, we pass Jeremy and his friends. I smile politely at Jeremy, who smiles back, and then I grimace as the stocky guy beside him leers at my chest.

“Wasn’t that Jeremy from the firm?” Teagan asks. I nod. “Who was the asshole with him?”

“No idea.” He wasn’t one of the friends Jeremy introduced me to.

“Remind me to throat punch him on the way back.”

I laugh and try to shake off the discomfort pooling in my belly.

One nice thing about going out on a Thursday is that there’s rarely a line for the bathroom. By the time I’m done taking care of business, Teagan’s already at the mirror.

I step up to the sink to wash my hands.

“Jesus, my boobs are literally filling up with vodka as we speak.” Teagan adjusts the front of her halter top, trying in vain to minimize her cleavage.

“Is that going to be a problem later, since you’re still breastfeeding?”

She shakes her head. “I’ll pump and dump before Lucy needs to eat again.”

“You’ll have to school Holly in the art of the pump and dump pretty soon.”

“I love that.” She chuckles. “Fuck it, let’s make it a group course. I’m always whipping my tits out in front of you guys anyway. Plus, the way things are going with you and Austin, you’ll probably need the lesson soon, too.”

A twinge of panic skitters down my spine.

“Or not,” she says, laughing, “if the terror on your face is any indication. Do you not want kids? No judgment either way, just curious.”

“I honestly don’t know.” I dry my hands on a paper towel. “I think part of me is scared that I wouldn’t know how be a good mom, since I didn’t have one.”

“I think it’s normal for people who grow up the way we did to worry that we’ll be like our parents. I know that’s exactly how I felt when I found out I was pregnant with Joey.”

“But you’re such a great mom.”

Her smile is subtle, but sincere. “Thanks. Anyway, I think as long as we’re willing to admit what we don’t know, there’s no reason we can’t learn how to be good at things that come easily to other people.”

I toss the paper towel into the waste basket. Maybe she’s right; I have complete confidence in Hollywood’s ability to be an amazing parent, in spite of everything we’ve faced. Why couldn’t it be the same for me?

“Hey, Teagan. I’m sorry for not always being very nice to you. I know I haven’t made it easy for you to be my friend.”

“No, you haven’t.” Her lips curl up at the corners. “But I knew you’d come around.”

“I think part of me was afraid you were trying to take my place as Holly’s best friend. As childish as that sounds.”

“Childish, schmildish. Admitting when you’re scared is the most grown-up thing you can do.” She glances at the door. “Look, don’t tell Cal I said this, but he isn’t Holly’s first love. You are. I remember when we went searching for you, how determined she was that we were going to find you. She refused to give up. If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is.”

My eyes prickle. “Thank you. That means everything.”

“You’re welcome,” she says. I pinch my eyes shut, forcing the tears to stay in my head. Teagan takes my hand. “It’s a big scary world out there. Us baby girls have to stick together.”

We leave the restroom, arm in arm, with only a couple of tears shed.