“No, I’m not mad. But did you really think that I would get so stressed out about your presentation?” I might have been a little nervous for him, but I wouldn’t have gone all the way to freak out level. I had too many other things to do that for.
“No. This time I was the one who was scared. But it didn’t show?” I had no idea what he was talking about. The only thing I saw up there was confidence, so I told him that.
“You’re a little biased, don’t you think, Sunshine?”
“Even if I am biased, if you were nervous, I would tell you that. When have I ever tried to spare your feelings by lying to you?” That he knew of . . .
“Ah, true.”
We didn’t talk about the weirdness with Violet. It seemed that neither of us wanted to bring it up, so we just let it go, instead talking about performance anxiety and various presentations we’d made in high school that had not gone well.
I handed Lucah my bag and my coat and knocked on Sloane’s door, but she wasn’t home from work yet. I was going to make much more of an effort to spend time with her from now on. I could divide my time. It wasn’t fucking rocket science.
I texted her asking if she wanted to hang out when she got back, but she said it was going to be another late night. She’d decided to host a fashion show featuring her new lingerie line, and now had thrown herself full-force into planning it. There went my idea to spend more time with her. I’d been along for the ride when she’d planned other shows, and it wasn’t a fun ride. More like one of those that spins and puts you upside down and scrambles your brain until you can’t see or walk straight when you get off it.
I was about to ask Lucah what he wanted to do for dinner, but he was on his phone and his face was so pale that his freckles stood out even more than usual.
“Okay. Thank you. I’ll be right there.” He hung up and had to reach out to hold onto the kitchen counter.
“What’s wrong?”
“Ryder overdosed. He’s in the hospital.” I had a moment of shock, but it passed quickly. I’d been expecting this, somewhere in the back of my mind. Ryder was headed for a crash, and here it was.
“Which hospital?” I said. Lucah jumped at the sound of my voice.
“Mass Gen.” He’d set my purse down next to the door when we got home, so I grabbed it, making sure my cellphone and wallet were still in it.
“Let’s go,” I said, holding out my hand. He roused himself out of his moment of shock and took my hand as I led him down the hall and to the elevator.
“It’ll be okay,” I said, using my other hand to rub his shoulder. I’d never seen Lucah so silent.
He looked down at me and pulled me close and took one deep breath.
“I hope so.”
~*~*~
The cab ride to the hospital was one of the worst I’d ever taken. Lucah sat in stony silence, but the hand I was holding shook. I paid the fare and we got out, going into the Emergency entrance. Lucah still seemed unable to speak, so I asked the nurse at the desk where Ryder Blythe was.
“Are you family?”
“Yes,” I said. “This is his brother.” The nurse looked at Lucah.
“I’m his brother,” he finally said, his voice cracking. “I’m his brother.” I thought he was going to pass out, or fall over, but he braced himself on the desk and inhaled sharply through his nose.
The nurse told us where to go and gave us directions I tried to remember, while towing Lucah along. He stumbled like a zombie, nearly crashing into a nurse who pushed a cart from room to room. I got lost once and had to backtrack, but eventually I found the right hallway.
“That’s his room,” I said, pointing to the one with the numbers four-two-three on the door. Obviously he could see that was Ryder’s room, but I still felt the need to say something.
“Lucah?” He was still so pale.
“This is my fault.” I thought maybe I’d heard him wrong, because he couldn’t possibly be blaming himself for this. “This is my fault.”
“Let’s just go in and see him, okay?” This didn’t feel like the right time to address Lucah’s self-blame. We could deal with that later, after we assessed the damage.
A soft beeping was the only sound in the room, apart from the squeaking of Lucah’s shoes on the linoleum as we slowly walked toward the solitary bed.
Ryder was either asleep, or passed out; an oxygen tube in his nose, and several lines strung their way to hanging bags of different liquids. The man I’d seen the other day was gone, replaced by a broken, deflated version. His skin was gray, and his cheekbones nearly poked through his skin.