Lucah stared at his brother. Just stared. And then he fell to his knees beside Ryder, taking me with him. I nearly cracked my skull on the metal edge of the bed, but I was able to catch myself before that happened.
Ryder’s eyelids fluttered and then opened.
“Lucah?” His voice was rough and cracking, like he had laryngitis.
“Ryder.” Lucah lifted his head and reached for Ryder’s hand.
“I’m . . . sorry.” Ryder whispered and then coughed.
“It’s okay, don’t try to talk. It’s not important, okay? It’s not important right now.” Ryder nodded and closed his eyes again, and soon his breathing slowed and deepened and he was asleep again.
Lucah rose to his feet, taking me with him again. We both turned when a knock sounded on the door.
“Are you his brother?” a nurse with a dark bun and pink scrubs said in a hushed voice. Lucah nodded. “He’s been asking for you. How about we go out in the hall and talk?” This time Lucah was the one going first, with me following.
The nurse took us down the hall into a little room decorated in bright colors and filled with overly stuffed chairs.
“Why don’t you sit down?” Lucah and I each sank into one of the chairs. These were the kind of chairs that you gave people bad news in.
“Your brother overdosed on what we believe was a mixture of pills, all of which he was prescribed. At this point we’re not sure if he was trying to commit suicide, or if he was trying to get high. We pumped his stomach and we’re going to keep him here to watch him for forty-eight hours. I assure you, he’s not in any kind of legal trouble, because no illegal drugs were found on him. Once he’s doing better, we’re going to do a psychiatric evaluation to make sure he’s stable enough to go home and doesn’t need any additional treatment. Do you have any other family that you might need to contact?” She said all this with a soft, but clipped voice, as if she’d said it so many times she could just copy and paste our names in the speech.
“Our parents are dead.” The nurse didn’t seem surprised or shocked by this information.
“Tate. You should call Tate,” I said as gently as I could.
“Tate. My other brother Tate.” The nurse nodded.
“Okay, well why don’t you call him. We also have some paperwork that we need you to fill out, and someone will be by to talk to you about that as well.” She looked from Lucah to me and back before she patted his arm and left us.
I didn’t want to bother Lucah, or upset him, so I didn’t say anything.
“Do you think he was trying to kill himself?” he said after a few moments of quiet.
How did I answer that? Lucah and I had discussed Ryder at length. What he’d done, his screw ups, his failed relationships, all of the bad things. But I barely knew anything about him, really. Other than his record of terrible decision-making.
“I can’t answer that, Lucah. We don’t need to talk about it right now, okay? Let’s just take one moment at a time. Do you want me to call Tate?” Lucah nodded and put his head in his hands.
I took my hand from his, and it felt awful, as if I was abandoning him, but I needed to call Tate without Lucah overhearing. I stood just outside the disgustingly cheery room and called. April answered, and I could hear the girls chattering in the background.
“Hi, April, this is Rory. Um, I don’t know how to say this, but I’m at Mass Gen with Lucah, and Ryder’s here, and he overdosed on pills. They’re not sure what happened exactly, but he’s here and we’re with him.” I tried to go on, but April gasped.
“Oh my God. We’ll be right there. Tate! Tate!” she yelled, muffling the sound, but I could still hear her panicked voice. And she hung up.
I put my phone in my purse and walked back into the room. Lucah still had his head in his hands, but his body shook.
I crouched down in front of him and reached for his hands. Tears dripped down his face and his nose and onto our hands. He cried silently, that kind of cry that’s so painful you couldn’t even make a sound if you tried to.
“Oh, Lucah. I wish there was something I could do.” I gripped his hands and tried to avoid crying myself. He was always being the calm, stable one for me. Now it was my turn.
He gasped and tried to breathe, but it had become too difficult for him to manage.
“Lucah.” I repeated his name until he raised his head and looked at me. “Inhale . . . exhale.” I talked to him until he listened and started breathing normally again.
My Lucah was broken, and there was next to nothing I could do to fix it.
“I can’t do this again. I won’t survive it, Rory. I just can’t.” He rested his head on our entwined tear-drenched hands.
“You’re not going to have to. He’s strong, like you. You’re the strongest, bravest person I’ve ever met and I see that more every day I’m blessed to spend with you. You’re an extraordinary person, Lucah Jacob Blythe.” I kissed his head and squeezed his hands. “I love you so much.”