“How about you?” Mateo challenges.
I’ve gotten so lost in my own disaster-scenarios, I don’t know what he’s asking and I raise my eyebrows questioningly.
“When is Elise going to start popping out little…” Mateo pauses, holding my gaze just long enough before slowly finishing, “Palmettos?”
I don’t know if the dread washing over me is from the Morelli bullshit or my anxieties over the two kids Elise has already named—though there’s certainly crossover anxiety there.
Mia sighs, not waiting for my answer, and gets up from her seat at the table. Mateo’s attention turns to her for a moment, but she doesn’t look at him, she just heads to the kitchen to rinse her dishes.
“Why can’t anything in this family ever be easy?” I inquire aloud, though more to myself than Mateo.
“Making babies isn’t so hard.”
“I’m obviously not referring to that.”
Mia comes back in, flashing each of us a mild smile. “Well, I’m off to work.”
Mateo asks, “You have Colin’s number?”
Nodding once, she says, “If I see anything funny, I’ll call him straight away.”
He nods, satisfied, and Mia gives me a little wave before leaving us alone in the dining room.
“I still think I should send him to keep an eye on her,” Mateo says.
“I take it from the lack of Vince at this table, you had another sleepover. How was that?” I ask, somewhat stiffly.
He grins at me. “Satisfying.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Mateo.”
Mateo laughs, lifting his coffee cup and taking a drink. “How many times are you going to need reassurance that I’m not fucking her?”
“At least as many times as she sleeps in your bed. At least that many.”
“She wouldn’t be so glum if I’d have fucked her,” he informs me.
Rolling my eyes, I shoot back, “That’s not how I remember it.”
This does not amuse him. He doesn’t have the decency to look ashamed, but he does lose his smile.
I give up on Elise’s assignment completely. “Look, I was going to try not to judge you today, but… that’s not panning out. Elise thought…” I trail off, shaking my head. “Anyway, that’s not going to work. Even if I could manage it today, I wouldn’t be able to keep it up.”
He shrugs, unconcerned. “I’m used to it.”
“But I didn’t sign on to work for you this time because of Cherie and Colin. Before you started your manipulative shit, I was already planning to talk to you about staying on; I just hadn’t brought it up yet. I’m not loyal to you because I have to be, Mateo. I’m loyal to you because—for some demented reason—I want to be.”
His gaze lingers on me, considering. Words are often flimsy, but not mine, and he knows that. I certainly don’t run scared, and in personal matters, I never lie to get my way. I am, in nearly every way, the opposite of the man sitting across the table from me. I do have my own moral code, and he doesn’t fit it—but neither would I, if I moved against him to benefit myself. Loyalty matters to me, and he knows that. I would need far more incentive than his position offers to betray not only him, but myself.
Finally, Mateo nods. He still holds my gaze, and this time there’s no wall up. This time he feels more sincere.
“Good,” he finally says.
“Are we?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
Mateo gives me one more nod. “We are.”
—
I’m not much for the idea of martyrdom, but I get to thinking about it when I come up with a risky idea that might work. Lying in bed with Elise’s soft, warm body nestled against me, I think I must be a fool for even considering it.
It’s high-risk, high-reward. If it succeeds, I save us all a lot of pain and suffering. If it fails, I probably die. I’ve taken on jobs with exactly those odds before, but I’ve never had something so worth sticking around for.
Now I have Elise.
Now I have the potential existence of Westley and Candace to consider, apparently.
It’s not just me anymore, and as hesitant as I’ve been at times to accept it, it doesn’t feel like it ever will be again. For the first time in my life, I have so much to lose.
So how do I take the kind of risk I’m thinking about, putting my life on the line, for Mateo?
But it isn’t just for him. As much as I’ve denied it when it came up, as much as I dislike the Morellis most days, this is my family. Whether or not the same blood runs through our veins, Mateo is the closest thing I’ve ever had to a brother.
I’d never admit that to him, of course. I never even wanted to admit it to myself.
But I don’t want any more deaths in the family. I don’t want to have more funerals. And if I didn’t have all that I have now, if Elise wasn’t mine, if an actual family and future didn’t dangle within my reach… I would make the high-risk move. Maybe I would succeed and save Mateo’s family from a war; maybe I would fail, and die.