“You promise you won’t say anything?” he asks.
I grimace, but I nod anyway. I know I have to promise. I know he can’t tell me if I don’t.
He still doesn’t look confident, and I hate that he has so little faith in me when it comes to this stuff. I don’t blame him, not in the least; if anything, I’m at fault. Sal has worked his ass off for me right from the start, and I’ve been skeptical, doubtful, occasionally secretive, sexually repressed, and I’ve refused him my absolute loyalty—the only thing he ever actually asked me for.
Wow, maybe I’m not better than Mateo at handling my shit. Maybe I was just incredibly lucky to have found the one person who could put up with me and love doing it.
All the resistance flows right out of me, and gratitude sweeps in. I gaze across the couch at this wonderful, generous, loving, absolutely amazing man, and he’s mine. Even though it’s impossible, even though I’m difficult, even though he has no reason in the world to put up with all of it, he is mine. Because he loves me.
I sigh, going soft, and suddenly I can’t stop from curling my arms around his neck and snuggling up to him. He seems understandably surprised, given the conversation we’re in the middle of, but he reciprocates like always.
I understand what I have to do now.
I understand that I can’t hold back from Sal, I can’t withhold my loyalty from him and give it to someone else and expect things to stay good between us. That will never work. If I’m going to do this, if I’m going to give myself to him, I have to give him all of me.
I’m bound by my family to obey and protect my brother, but protecting Salvatore is my responsibility to myself. I could never forgive myself if I kept quiet and Mateo killed him.
I love my fucked up family. I do. But I love Sal more. In order for him to stand even a chance of being a real part of my future, I have to let my unbending loyalty to my family be a part of the past.
My chest aches as I determine my next move, but I make it anyway. “My brother knows something’s up with your family. I don’t know exactly what he knows, but he said you guys have given him no choice and he’ll have to move against you. I asked Vince for more information, but he wouldn’t give me much of anything. All I know is he said if you align yourself with your dad in whatever is going on, you’re in danger.”
Sal’s gray eyes widen slightly, his jaw lowering an inch or so. I can tell by the look on his face he didn’t expect me to be the one to cave. I didn’t expect it, either, and I feel a little sick now that I’ve done it, but there’s no turning back now, so I just keep going.
“I’m sorry I’ve been holding back because of this stuff between our families. It was hard, and I knew it would be hard going in, but I guess I wasn’t prepared.” I glance down at my hands in my lap, then back up at him. “I don’t want to lose you.”
Sal’s hand shoots out, tenderly cupping my neck, and he pulls me in close, leaning his forehead against mine and closing his eyes. I can feel his relief. I’m not sure if it’s because I just turned on my family for him, or because I told him I don’t want to lose him. I don’t know if there’s even a difference. One would not have happened without the other.
“You’re not gonna lose me, Francesca,” he murmurs. “I’m never gonna let that happen.”
Even after he pulls back, I feel a little better. Now that I’ve finally made a choice, finally placed my loyalty in his corner, my mind is working hard to get behind it. I trust Sal completely, and I can’t say the same of my brother. That alone should indicate I made the right choice, but I still feel icky if I let myself dwell on it.
So I don’t. Not now. There will be plenty of time to think over the ramifications of my actions later on when I’m at home in my own bed.
Sal sighs, looking at me. He’s a little less tense now. Whatever he needs to tell me, he feels better about it now.
“You know the maid you don’t like?”
I nod my head. “Meg? Of course.”
“My dad sent her to kill Mateo.”
Chapter Twenty Eight
“What?”
“I don’t think she’s still planning to,” he adds quickly, though he shrugs, not caring nearly as much as he should. “She didn’t exactly volunteer, to put it that way. But that’s how she met your brother. My dad sent her with instructions on how to poison him. She couldn’t, because your brother is so goddamn paranoid, but… he hoped she would.”